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The Rewatchables · November 3, 2026

All the Right Moves

host Bill Simmons host Kyle Brandt

What aged best: The Ampipe Bulldogs
Weakest link: No early-season game
What aged worst: Cruise saying he is 5'10"

All 44 categories

Who won the movie Tom Cruise
Roger Ebert
Just one Oscar Jan de Bont's cinematography
Cruise or Hanks Cruise

The Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award · 1:16:44

Rifleman has the best throwing arm in a sports movie

One take is that Rifleman, who uncorks two throws, has the best throwing arm ever seen in a sports movie, maybe anywhere, including a perfect throw on the run that looks to go 50 yards, likened to a Drake-made (as transcribed) deep ball.

The rolling-right bomb that is dropped is called a gorgeous pass and probably the best throw in a sports movie, unlike the double used for Craig Sheffer in The Program, with comparisons to Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, a hard left-handed rifle arm and spiral, Elway and Byron Left (as transcribed).

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson · 1:39:33

Don't go at your coach after a devastating loss

Don't go at your coach in the locker room after a devastating loss, let everyone cool off; don't hand it off to the felon inside the one-yard line; and use a condom, or pull out.

The film

All the Right Moves (1983)

Directed by Michael Chapman · Sports

91 minutes

IMDb Letterboxd JustWatch Find on Rotten Tomatoes

Cast

Selected cast credits · Film reference

Cast credits have not been imported yet.

Everything from the episode

In the order the hosts got to it. Open a row for the discussion.

11:34

He Got Game Hooker Scene Award for Most Awkward Walk-In

Both sex scenes, including the car scene on the cliff

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 00:11:34Read transcript

The car scene where they are parked on the cliff is flagged as one you would not want to be watching at your girlfriend's house on VHS in 1984.
Asked about the He Got Game prostitute award (as transcribed) for the scene you can't watch with your parents, the answer is that no movie has two of them; rewatching with a dad, a participant just fast-forwarded over both.

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30:10

The Great Shot Gordo Award for Most Cinematic Shot

Cruise in the doorway with the confetti falling at the rally; the nipple-to-nipple shot

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 00:30:10Read transcript

The Great Shock Order Award (as transcribed) is clearly the rally: Steph finds out his buddy knocked up his girlfriend and is not going to USA (as transcribed), the fireworks and confetti go off, and Cruise stands in the doorway with the confetti falling; everything in the movie looks great.
Later, at Great Shot Gordo, the smokestacks against the hills of western Pennsylvania are called the expected answer, but the pick given instead is the nipple-to-nipple shot.
The two selections, Cruise in the doorway with the confetti falling at the rally and the nipple-to-nipple shot, are never settled into one shared choice.

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31:01

Roger Ebert's review

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 00:31:01Read transcript

Ebert gave it three stars, welcoming, after junk high school movies where kids chop each other up and visit whorehouses in Mexico, a movie that remembers most teenagers are vulnerable, unsure, sincere and fundamentally decent.
A Raj joke follows, along with a crack that Tom Cruise's last movie had a whorehouse in a house in the north suburbs.

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31:01

Dr. Richard Kimble Inappropriate Body Award

Tom Cruise

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 00:31:01Read transcript

Cruise staring out the window in the opening gets the award for being absolutely ripped, at Sly Stallone Rocky IV levels of 3% body fat; among 300 categories it is still a favorite.

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31:01

Most Rewatchable Scene

The Walnut Heights game

In the discussion (28)

Approx. transcript time · 00:31:01Read transcript

The opening scene comes first: the credits, the theme song's all-the-right-moves lyrics sung by Jennifer Warrens (as transcribed) and Chris Thompson, and Cruise staring out the window outside Pittsburgh.
Movies from 83 to 86 peaked with bad title songs, like Just One of the Guys and No Way Out, apparently from a producer's note to work the title into the chorus; even John Hughes did it in Weird Science, where Thomas Tolby (as transcribed) got the note.
The locker room scene where the team dances and the coach joins for a second before saying okay ladies is called the precursor of the Top Gun locker room scene: guys in underwear thrusting their hips, with three or four players who look to be in their mid-30s.
In the recruiting scene Steph is cocky, saying there are other schools he would rather look at first, and his dad warns he hopes he knows what he is doing; it is called hubris for a little Serbian corner.
The coach's quitter and loser speech and the drills on the practice field could have gone six, seven or eight more minutes.
An overhead crane shot of a running back and a cornerback running into each other with the crowns of their heads startles a participant now coaching seventh and eighth grade tackle football, who figured both were paralyzed or at least concussed.
Steph's hit at practice, which has everyone running laps, is called complete pass interference for a cornerback supposed to be going div one.
The stretch from the Bulldogs pep rally, where Steph finds out Bri is having a kid, into the bus ride set to The Last Stand by Doug Cahan (as transcribed) may not get better in the 80s; the song reads like a list of big-game sports cliches written to a note.
It keeps cooking with touching the 1960 ball, Salvucci flipping out about the tape roll, Cruise hitting his head on the wall and the coach's crazy speech that probably crosses a line, an incredible 10 minutes.
The bus ride into the other team's town, with Brian's tear as he thinks about the baby and the 10 tackles he still has to make, gave a participant chills and positive PTSD back to 1996.
The game is called a filet mignon of high school football that skips from halftime to the last four minutes; the Cruise dive tackle, Rifleman's deep throw to Leon and the Cruise pick six follow, and the pass on the pick six looks fake while the run after it looks good.
The best take of the celebration being Steph yelling in your face Walnut Heights is called a tough one; then Cruise gets an egregious pass interference call and the goal line stand is awesome.
The last 12 seconds recall a recent Vanderbilt and NC State game; everyone watching thinks QB sneak, take the safety and punt, a guy in the bar scene says exactly that, and botching it is why Nickerson was never going to be a head coach.
As a regular on First Take, a participant imagines Stephen A. demanding the coach be fired before he gets to the bus.
One fix is to have the team up by one so the safety option is gone, though it was pouring rain; the ending seemed egregious even in eighth or ninth grade, and the score confused a participant because a field goal is never shown.
What Dan Quinn did with the Commanders last week, leading to a tie, may have been even worse at the professional level.
Salvucci, the backup running back wound tight after the tape tantrum, gets the game in his hands; Rifleman should have taken the snap and fallen forward, as the coach realizes lying in bed that night.
The worst scene in the movie is Nickerson at the chalkboard, up all night, announcing a 6-2 defense no one has tried; six-man fronts were not revolutionary, since Notre Dame won the national title in 1977 with one.
Riley's big run comes on a draw play that fools the 6-2 stack monster, and the kickoff team in three-point stances, the rustic jerseys and the chunky white halfback wearing 41 are loved.
Steph's 'full house, you fucking bastards' call on fourth and goal and the Walnut Heights lineman's 'we're coming after your ass, Riley', answered 'do it, man, make me happy', sound like real high school shit talk.
By contrast, the wordy taunt from the offensive lineman in The Program is fake; a 17-year-old talks in six words or less.
After the loss Salvucci is the one crying, and a locker room like that is devastating because after your last game you never put on pads again.
Nickerson gets mad at Salvucci, Cruise sticks up for him, and the coach, not wrong that they should have practiced what he taught and held on to the ball, says it in front of 36 teammates and kicks Steph off the team.
Steph sticking up for Salvucci and the dap-up afterward are called his coolest moment, while nobody in real life would coach the way Nickerson handles it, putting his own choke on a helpless kid.
The scene is shot with Cruise in tears by the squat rack against the wall, and the bullying pushes Salvucci toward an armed robbery within a month.
The Pittsburgh pub scene, with Bosco holding court playing pool like an emergency pod, could have run 10 more minutes, and the coach shoots Steph down when he goes to apologize the next day.
The ending gets Blue Skies Forever because they couldn't get Bob Seeger (as transcribed), and the credits oddly lead with the soundtrack.
Asked for the most rewatchable, a participant is never turning the Walnut Heights game off because it is the actual football, and the other agrees.

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54:53

The Billy Batts / Jack Woltz Award for Biting, Scalable Insult

You're a typing teacher

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 00:54:53Read transcript

When Steph gets mad at the coach on the street, asking who in the hell gave him that power, he calls him just a high school football coach, not God, and a typing teacher, which earns the award.

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55:24

Peter North Effort Award

The soundtrack

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 00:55:24Read transcript

In passing, the Peter North award goes to the soundtrack: after Bob Seeger (as transcribed) refused his songs, they really tried to bring it, so much that the credits lead with the soundtrack.

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55:57

The most 1983 thing

Lucille Ball Productions

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 00:55:57Read transcript

Candidates are young Tom Cruise, virginity as a major plot point, the opening theme song and the production company, Lucille Ball Productions, called the winner unless it is the unibrows.
The old school 80s unibrows almost seem like a bit, and paired with the high school mustache and chest hair they make a fearsome duo.
As a deep cut, a player at the back of the bus wears a Rick Mahorn Beef Brothers cap, the Washington Bullets pair Johnny Most called McNasty and McFilthy after the 82 playoffs against the Celtics, who have since done a Beef Brothers pod.

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57:19

The Tom Cruise Award for Most Valiant Attempt to Emulate a Normal Human

Tom Cruise

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 00:57:19Read transcript

The award goes to Tom Cruise, who wins every time, this time playing a Serbian American cornerback.

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57:33

Floyd Gondolli Enjoyment Award

The team getting ready in the locker room before a big game; beers and cigs at the Christmas concert

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 00:57:33Read transcript

One pick is the football team in the locker room getting ready before a big game, which works every time however bad the movie, with Any Given Sunday probably the peak: the guy hitting his head against a wall, guys getting taped up, the nervous guy and the fake energy guy, like the war-paint scenes in Rambo and Commando.
The other is the Christmas concert near the end, where they rip cigs and beers in the school auditorium, which would have meant suspension even in the 90s.

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59:19

What’s Aged the Best?

The Ampipe Bulldogs; Vinny's desk trick; Brian's Penguins-Flyers honeymoon; the 80s coaching; the poster; the phone-f...

The Ampipe Bulldogs; Vinny's desk trick; Brian's Penguins-Flyers honeymoon; the 80s coaching; the poster; the phone-free pep rally; Bosco; Jennifer Warnes

In the discussion (7)

Approx. transcript time · 00:59:19Read transcript

The Ampipe Bulldogs, from American Pipe and Steel, comes first, and Vinny's desk trick has aged the best and the worst.
Brian announcing a honeymoon in Pittsburgh at an ordinary December Penguins Flyers game is called incredible, along with the 80s coaching stuff and the poster of Cruise in the letter jacket, whose tagline bangs you over the head.
The pep rally made a participant nostalgic for kids living in the moment with nobody on their phones, and for a coach's speech that now would be instantly on Instagram for the other team to see.
Bosco is called incredible, an evil Buddy Garrity and the perfect western Pennsylvania Steelers fan; his actor, Jim, directed Days of Our Lives while a participant was on it and was cool about the love scenes.
Jennifer Warnes's career was new to both: one participant had no idea despite being on the higher end of dumb pop culture knowledge, and the other knew nothing about it either, having thought her name was Jennifer Warren and that Jennifer Grey sang Time of My Life.
Jennifer Warnes won an Oscar in 1979 for a song in Norma Rae, was nominated in 81 for Ragtime, and sang Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong with Joe Cocker, an Oscar, a Grammy and a number one hit.
She also sang this movie's theme in 83, the Growing Pains theme in 1985, called one of the two best sitcom themes with Family Ties, and Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing in 1987, for three Oscars and two Grammys over nine years.

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1:04:11

The Big Kahuna Burger Award for Best Use of Food and Drink

The flask shots; quarters at the kegger

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:04:11Read transcript

Multiple flask shots are noted; somebody pulling out a flask now would be assumed a massive alcoholic, and a joke imagines being offered a hit during a First Take break.
At the kegger at the end they play quarters with close-ups of the beer, which eighth graders in the theater thought was cool.
Quarters in the late 80s meant the same wet quarter for four hours, and beer pong balls rolling under the couch by the rat traps, which is why everybody had bronchitis.

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1:06:00

The Den of Thieves Benihana Award for Scene-Stealing Location

The mills and coal mines with the smoke coming up

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:06:00Read transcript

Any mill or coal mine with the smoke and sparks coming up is the pick, especially the opening scene of the first mill.

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1:06:14

Chest Rockwell / Brock Landers Award for Best Character Name

Lisa Letzky; Rifleman

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:06:14Read transcript

Lisa Letzky (as transcribed) is liked because it is never a hot-girl name in a movie, more the best friend's, yet they zag on it.
Rifleman is the other pick, a name that can only be a quarterback, like the Seahawks fullback named Max Strong (as transcribed).
Asked who could be Rifleman now, Joe Milton, a backup with a cannon the Eagles just signed, is offered; whether Rifleman is his first or last name is unclear.

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1:08:03

The Slow Ride / Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop

The bus ride to Walnut High

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:08:03Read transcript

The Kid Cudi Pursuit of Happiness award for best needle drop goes to the bus ride to Walnut High, already talked about.
That bus ride plays The Last Stand by Doug Cahan (as transcribed), whose lyrics about moments and victory by inches sound written to a note asking for sports cliches about a big game.

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1:08:18

Is There a Better Title for This Movie?

Last Chance; Getting Out

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:08:18Read transcript

A Pittsburgh-style title like Last Chance or Getting Out is floated, and Getting Out is turned down because it feels like a prison movie.
Two thirds through, a participant wondered whether Steph makes any of the right moves at all, since he is kicked off the football team and has lost the girl.

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1:08:18

Marion Cobretti Pizza Cutting Award: Why Didn’t They Stop This on Set?

Craig T. Nelson's nine iron at practice

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:08:18Read transcript

Rather than Cruise, the pick is Craig T. Nelson's high school coach carrying around a nine iron at practice that he never uses or references; like Hacksaw Jim Duggan's two by four, someone should have told him to lose the golf club.

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1:08:18

Steven Seagal shitting on himself award for most unbelievable anecdote from the actual film shoot

Lea Thompson going undercover at a Johnstown high school

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:08:18Read transcript

Leah Thompson (as transcribed) enrolled undercover as Lisa Litsky at a Johnstown, Pennsylvania high school for four days as a transfer, reported that every girl wore identical wing-backed hair, got in trouble for smoking cigs in the bathroom, and found few kids wanted to leave after graduation.
Cruise tried it too and was recognized from Taps within one day, which a participant doubts, guessing he was just being Tom Cruise at lunch; this could never happen now with the internet.

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1:10:59

The Butch’s Girlfriend Award for the Weakest Link in the Film

No early-season game; Bosco

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:10:59Read transcript

A participant could have used more football, a game in the third act: as in Varsity Blues, there is usually a last game for redemption, which never comes because Steph is off the team; that is the backup weak link.
The fix offered is an earlier game as the second scene: after Steph wakes up, has his cereal and goes to class, that night is a 38 to 10 blowout, the game before the game, four minutes of football kicking somebody's ass that would also have shown their home field.
Football movies need two games minimum, the first big success before the setback and the redemption; Any Given Sunday has like six.
The other weak link is Bosco: the team's biggest booster and town bad guy, a bully boozer who emcees the pep rally in a three-piece suit, walks the hallway in a cafeteria apron, bitches at the pub after the game and then trashes the coach's house.

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1:14:04

What’s Aged the Worst?

Cruise saying he is 5'10"; the pregame speech with racial slurs; Steph not playing both ways; the nude scenes and the...

Cruise saying he is 5'10"; the pregame speech with racial slurs; Steph not playing both ways; the nude scenes and the producers' sign-off; Vinny's desk trick

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:14:04Read transcript

Earlier, during What's Aged the Best, Vinny's desk trick is said to have aged both the best and the worst.
Cruise saying he is 5'10" is number one and the coach's pregame speech with the racial slurs number two, with Steph not playing both ways also noted.
The biggest one found dates to 2018: Thompson did not want to do the nude scene; the movie had two, and Cruise persuaded the producers to drop one, apparently the car scene, by going fully naked with her in the second.
In a YouTube interview the director, Michael Chapman, recalls the producer having to examine and sign off on actresses' breasts while casting, which made him so uncomfortable he left the room; it is called one of the worst.

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1:15:59

The Ruffalo / Hanna / Rubinek / Partridge Overacting Award

Brian telling Steph he's having a kid; Salvucci at the Christmas concert

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:15:59Read transcript

One nominee is Salvucci yelling about Christmas and school while smoking and drinking at the concert.
The winner is Brian telling Steph he is having a kid, trying the Tom Sizemore Award move of going toe-to-toe with the star while Cruise is cruising; it is not Chris Penn's best work, and both are called winners.

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1:16:15

Tom Sizemore Action Is the Juice Award for Best Toe-to-Toe Moment

Invoked for Brian telling Steph he's having a kid; no award given

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:16:15Read transcript

Inside the overacting pick, Brian telling Steph he is having a kid is described as kind of trying to do the Tom Sizemore Award, going toe-to-toe with the star.
The attempt is judged really bad and not Chris Penn's best work, though he is a good actor, while Cruise is cruising through the married-housing exchange.

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1:16:44

The Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Rifleman has the best throwing arm in a sports movie; Salvucci's handoff lost the game; Brian Riley should have gone ...

Rifleman has the best throwing arm in a sports movie; Salvucci's handoff lost the game; Brian Riley should have gone to USC

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 01:16:44Read transcript

One take is that Rifleman, who uncorks two throws, has the best throwing arm ever seen in a sports movie, maybe anywhere, including a perfect throw on the run that looks to go 50 yards, likened to a Drake-made (as transcribed) deep ball.
The rolling-right bomb that is dropped is called a gorgeous pass and probably the best throw in a sports movie, unlike the double used for Craig Sheffer in The Program, with comparisons to Randall Cunningham, Jeff George, a hard left-handed rifle arm and spiral, Elway and Byron Left (as transcribed).
Another take is that Brian Riley 100% should have gone to USC on a full ride to play linebacker and brought his pregnant girlfriend, since he is worse off by staying.
Early-80s USC boosters would have paid him under the table, maybe 50K or 75K when he tried to turn it down; the boring answer is that her family is her support system there.
During the game discussion, a participant's hottest take is that the loss is Vinnie Salvucci's fault: taking a handoff to the right the left arm has to be up, and on the tape Salvucci has his right arm up.
On a show like First Take, the zag would be that Nickerson gets extended as coach of the year while Salvucci gets cut and film-smart types like Orlovsky break down the handoff.

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1:21:10

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

Bosco; Terry O'Quinn; Steph's brother; Leon

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:21:10Read transcript

Bosco is offered first, then Terry O'Quinn, recognizable as John Locke because Lost was a massive show.
Cruise's brother in the movie (Cruz's brother as transcribed) is also called a pretty big that guy, having been in Hardcore with George C. Scott, which the show has done.
Earlier, Leon, the star receiver, is called a goated (as transcribed 'goaded') Rewatchables that guy for this, Cliffhanger and Above the Rim, a Hall of Fame case who goes by one name only.

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1:21:10

Casting What-Ifs

No casting what-ifs

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Approx. transcript time · 01:21:10Read transcript

Casting what-ifs are passed over because none could be found.

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1:21:51

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

Bosco, unless it goes to Camp Scadabo

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:21:51Read transcript

Bosco's buddy is offered for his only line: when the question is why Nickerson did not take the safety and punt it away, he answers because he's an asshole and he hates losing to these rich pricks; all three loved the take-the-safety line, which is never in movies.
The winner is given as Bosco unless it goes to Camp Scadabo (as transcribed) of Walnut High, who rips it up; Salvucci was wanted here but has too many scenes.
During the game discussion, Camp Scadabo (as transcribed), who takes over the game for Walnut Heights when it starts raining, is called a possible Dion Waiters contestant: a high school player with no chance in the pros who is lopsided for now.

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1:22:59

Recasting Couch

Matt Dillon as Salvucci; Journey for the car hookup scene; Prince at the party; Bob Seger at the diner or ending; 'I ...

Matt Dillon as Salvucci; Journey for the car hookup scene; Prince at the party; Bob Seger at the diner or ending; 'I can feel it coming in the air' for the bus ride

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:22:59Read transcript

Matt Dillon, in range at the time and doing Rumble Fish and Coppola stuff, is cast as Salvucci, a ramp-up from an actor never seen again.
The music gets recast: Open Eyes from Journey (as transcribed) for the car hookup scene, Prince, maybe 1999, in the party scene, and Bob Seeger (as transcribed) in the diner or the ending.
'I can feel it coming in the air' is offered for the bus scene, recalling Tubs (as transcribed) and Crockett, which is tough for Doug Cahan (as transcribed).

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1:23:29

The Tom Cruise Award for Most Valiant Attempt to Emulate a Normal Human

Cruise's stop-and-start sprinting in the street fight

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:23:29Read transcript

In the street fight between Steph and Nickerson near the end, Cruise sprints, stops, slaps his hands to his hips and sprints again, like a guy figuring out how to drive stick, which no angry human has ever done.
Glimpses of greatness when young are compared with the video of Tiger Woods with a golf club as a little kid.

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1:23:29

Half-Assed Internet Research

10,000 residents were extras; Cruise had a minor concussion; area coach Donald A. Yonesa played the other coach; Pat ...

10,000 residents were extras; Cruise had a minor concussion; area coach Donald A. Yonesa played the other coach; Pat Jordan nearly went unpaid for the rights; Johnstown's 24.8% unemployment; Walter Briggs threw Rifleman's passes

In the discussion (5)

Approx. transcript time · 01:23:29Read transcript

Ten thousand residents of the town were the extras, given free soft drinks, hot dogs, raffle prizes and donations, and Tom Cruise had a minor concussion during filming.
Real area coach Donald A. Yonesa (as transcribed) played the other football coach and was the technical consultant.
By Pat Jordan's account, Lucille Ball's production company bought the rights for $2,500 and promised $35,000 if it became a movie; a Pittsburgh friend later told him a movie like his was being made in Duquesne, his agent called, and he got the $35,000 they had been about to stiff him on.
Earlier research: Johnstown, where much of the movie was filmed, had 5,100 of 7,000 workers laid off and 24.8% unemployment during filming, and the producer brought in two million bucks of extra spending.
In what is called real half-assed internet research, the guy who played Rifleman, or at least threw that pass, is Walter Briggs, who played small college ball and had a short strike-season stint with the Jets.

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1:26:18

Apex Mountain

No affirmative selection

In the discussion (5)

Approx. transcript time · 01:26:18Read transcript

Tom Cruise is a no, and Chris Penn is a no but getting close with Footloose.
For hot band geeks the American Pie character is more famous, and it is unclear whether Lisa Letzky is even a band geek; for Pittsburgh coal mine mill movies it is probably Deer Hunter, winner of five Oscars.
Craig T. Nelson is a no; for high school football on screen, one personal apex is the Friday Night Lights TV show with Coach Eric Taylor, Kyle Chandler and Riggs, though this movie is much more realistic, and the other is the Friday Night Lights movie, the two meeting in the finals.
A participant's dad found the movie pretty dated but enjoyed it because he loves Cruise.
Leah Thompson (as transcribed) is a no because of Back to the Future, the 6-2 stack monster is a no, and Jennifer Warrens (as transcribed) obviously not, since Dirty Dancing is her Beatles.

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1:26:36

Cruise or Hanks?

Cruise

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Approx. transcript time · 01:26:36Read transcript

Asked Cruise or Hanks (transcribed 'cruiser hanks'), the answer is Cruise.

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1:26:36

Phoebe Cates Award for Excellence in Putting Teens Through Puberty

Lea Thompson

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Approx. transcript time · 01:26:36Read transcript

The Phoebe Cates award (transcribed 'phoebe kate's') for excellence in putting teens through puberty goes to Leah Thompson (as transcribed), for a not unimportant early 80s love scene for horny teenagers.

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1:26:36

Clarence Worley Should Have Died

No affirmative selection; a what-if ending where Steph turns down the scholarship

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:26:36Read transcript

No ending is named as the cop out; instead a what-if: they zag, the coach still offers him the scholarship, and Steph rejects it, telling the coach to fuck off for ruining his life, staying to work in the mill and skulking away.

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1:26:36

Picking Nits

Steph's engineering plans on a B average; his rudimentary drawings; no Pittsburgh accents; no big speech from the bro...

Steph's engineering plans on a B average; his rudimentary drawings; no Pittsburgh accents; no big speech from the brother; the sudden late pregnancy; empty flasks; Steph and Brian not playing offense; Nickerson coaching defensive backs; the fourth-down framing

In the discussion (7)

Approx. transcript time · 01:26:36Read transcript

Steph's plan to be an electric engineer on a B average at an outskirts-of-Pittsburgh high school is never backed up, and his drawings on the wall, like the underwater dome, are rudimentary, terrible engineering.
There are no Pittsburgh accents, called the best decision because the accents would be mocked, as with Chris Helmsworth (as transcribed) in Black Hat.
The brother never gets a big speech to Steph like Chucky's to Will in Goodwill Hunting (as transcribed); the actor, lead of Robot Jocks (as transcribed), only gets a laid-off-today scene, and the speech maybe got cut.
Chris Penn's girlfriend is super pregnant, eight and a half months, a month after the doctor confirms it.
At the end after the wedding, the flasks clearly hold not a single drop of liquid.
Earlier, the biggest nitpick is that it is preposterous neither Steph nor Brian Riley plays offense on a team of 37 guys.
Tiny nitpicks: Nickerson seems best at coaching the defensive line rather than the defensive backs, and the fourth-down shot should have gone wider to show Chris Penn's character coming in with the second hit.

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1:31:02

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

Already redone as the Friday Night Lights TV show; an Animal House-style ending

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:31:02Read transcript

A participant recalls writing for Page Two around 2002 that this should be a TV show in western Pennsylvania, and five years later they did it as Friday Night Lights.
What it really needs is an Animal House-style ending on what happened to each person: Brian stayed home to coach with six kids, Vinny did 20 years in prison, and Rifleman won the Super Bowl in 1996.

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1:32:02

Is This Movie Better With…?

Fergie the florist; Stephen A. playing Steph

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Approx. transcript time · 01:32:02Read transcript

In a scene imagined as originally cut, Vinny tries to get out of the armed robbery with a local florist who threatens him with lines about his hard-on, his nuts and fumbling at Walnut Heights; the bit is credited to Chris as his IP, done out of respect.
Stephen A. plays Steph apologizing to Coach Nickerson the next day, insisting that's not his character and also apologizing to the wife and young daughter for dumping trash on the lawn.

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1:32:53

Just One Oscar

Jan de Bont's cinematography

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:32:53Read transcript

The obvious pick is On the Bond (as transcribed) for photography, with the nipple close-up sealing the win.

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1:32:53

Probably Unanswerable Questions

How does Salvucci know he can do the desk trick? Is Tom Cruise a good athlete?

In the discussion (5)

Approx. transcript time · 01:32:53Read transcript

How does Salvucci know he can do his desk trick: teenage boys walk around with them 20 times a day, he has probably done it 20 times before, and he is meant to be extremely virile.
Is Tom Cruise a good athlete: for the case, he is ripped and believable as a football player, convincing at cornerback apart from the stance, and does a gymnast-like flip off a railing in The Outsiders.
More evidence for includes the Top Gun volleyball, Far and Away boxing, Color of Money pool, Cocktail bottle juggling and his softball line drives in A Few Good Men; against, the ball he catches is thrown right at him, the volleyball is heavily edited and his basketball shooting in Cocktail is awful.
One answer is no: on the actor scale a seven or an eight, an effort guy whose running, jumping, push-ups and contact sports look good, as in the Magnolia handstand, but not specific hand-eye skills; he could have played the Matthew Modine part in Vision Quest.
Another view is that he is fast with good hand-eye but probably played no sports in his first 18 years, unlike Benny the Jet in Sandlot, though hitting softballs naturally while delivering Sorkin dialogue is hard.

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1:38:49

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

Steph's neck roll; an Ampipe hat; Rifleman's uniform

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Approx. transcript time · 01:38:49Read transcript

Options include the Ampipe letter jacket and hat, the coach's windbreaker and any uniform; one pick is Steph's neck roll, fit for the Smithsonian, not his engineering drawings.
An Ampipe hat is the pick for the studio, and Rifleman's uniform, or the Walnut High running back's 41, is another choice.

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1:39:33

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson

Don't go at your coach after a devastating loss; don't hand it off to the felon inside the one-yard line; use a condom

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Approx. transcript time · 01:39:33Read transcript

Don't go at your coach in the locker room after a devastating loss, let everyone cool off; don't hand it off to the felon inside the one-yard line; and use a condom, or pull out.

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1:39:47

Best Double Feature

Varsity Blues and Friday Night Lights; Carolina in the City episodes

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Approx. transcript time · 01:39:47Read transcript

A triple feature runs All the Right Moves, Varsity Blues and Friday Night Lights, done in five and a half hours; another keeps the Leah Thompson theme going with a couple of episodes of Carolina in the City (as transcribed).

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1:40:01

Who Won the Movie?

Tom Cruise

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Approx. transcript time · 01:40:01Read transcript

Asked who won the movie, the answer is Tom Cruise, said twice.

Podcast choices

Speaker not identified: Tom Cruise

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1:40:01

Producer review

A coming-of-age sports story with very little sports that works; real football; weirdly mature; an awkward 80s sex scene

In the discussion (5)

Approx. transcript time · 01:40:01Read transcript

It is a coming-of-age sports story with very little sports that works; movies like it would now be seen as too small, and its four minutes of a full song over a guy getting ready in the morning is the opposite of what movies are told to do now.
The football is real, with wide shots of lines hitting each other, and the interception scene gave chills but needed slow-mo and music; the decision about staying with a high school girlfriend is weirdly mature.
The 80s sex scene is bizarre: fine to include, but filmed awkward, clunky and full frame, two boobs for five straight seconds, never sexy, as if the actress's agent said she couldn't get out of it.
While watching the scene, a participant googled how old Leah Thompson (as transcribed) was when they shot it, wondering whether they should not be watching; then, after the scene, she says she is a junior, maybe 16.
The cut from the cross necklace going into his pocket straight to church is called not accidental.

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1:41:50

Jamie Lee Curtis Unnecessary Nudity Award

Declined for the sex scene; no award given

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:41:50Read transcript

Asked what the problem was, Craig is not doing the Jamie Lee Curtis inappropriate award: if you want the scene in the movie and think it makes sense, it's fine, and the losing of virginity is fine; the complaint is the way they film it.

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More from the conversation

Nine months after floating a movie the other participant did not know, with Cruise back in the news for Digger, the host forces the watch; it is the show's 19th Cruise movie.

Approx. transcript time · 00:00:51Read transcript

The newcomer calls the movie a brother after a week with it, wears a letter jacket in solidarity with the Empire Bulldogs (as transcribed) and Vinny Salvucci, and sets it up as a 1983, 90-minute high school football movie in coal miner land, Pennsylvania, starring a young Tom Cruise.

Approx. transcript time · 00:01:36Read transcript

The movie paved the way for Friday Night Lights, the Texas version of this western Pennsylvania story; on a TV set, Steelers icon Bill Cower (as transcribed) said he loves it because it is real western Pennsylvania high school football and steel mills.

Approx. transcript time · 00:02:44Read transcript

In 90 minutes the movie conveys a town going the wrong way, with a handful of scholarship chances and the mines laying everybody off; made now it would be a TV series with affairs, boosters and love triangles.

Approx. transcript time · 00:04:37Read transcript

The first 30 seconds establish Steph, jacked, smart and doing push-ups under his prom photo before looking out at the smoke, better than Marvel movies two hours in; Cruise is the king of character entrances, as with the motorcycle through the smoke in Days of Thunder.

Approx. transcript time · 00:06:25Read transcript

Cruise now has a five-movie lead on the show; Digger is circling back after Affleck's soundbite that mocking an original movie is high school bullying, and Cruise had Taps in 1981 and four movies in eight months of 1983, including The Outsiders and Losing It.

Approx. transcript time · 00:08:14Read transcript

All the Right Moves came out three months after Risky Business made Cruise a star, like Julia Roberts after Pretty Woman, and one host saw it in the theater in eighth or ninth grade because of Cruise.

Approx. transcript time · 00:09:19Read transcript

Two high school movies in one year is rare: Anthony Michael Hall had Breakfast Club and Weird Science in 85, and Michael J. Fox's Teen Wolf and Back to the Future in 85 put Cruise second.

Approx. transcript time · 00:10:52Read transcript

Cruise tropes here include the drunk speech near the end like Cocktail, the trying-not-to-cry face of Jerry Maguire, the you-quit line like Colonel Jessup, going off on the coach like A Few Good Men, and cocky Cruise on the recruiting trip with Terry O'Quinn.

Approx. transcript time · 00:11:34Read transcript

Cruise is called the most accomplished drunken actor, drunk in Cocktail, Born on the 4th of July, The Firm, A Few Good Men (Two Good Men as transcribed), Jerry Maguire and Last Samurai, though Siri says he does not drink alcohol; producer Craig, asked in 44, thinks he performatively ordered beers, and Vin Diesel's beer tilt in Fast and Furious is the all-time example.

Approx. transcript time · 00:14:28Read transcript

Cruise claims 5'10" as a cornerback, maybe his only stated height; he is seen as a punt returner or 10-year special teamer, or a Wes Welker slot type like Tweeter in Varsity Blues, and the realistic football includes neck rolls on everyone in the Steve Grogan era.

Approx. transcript time · 00:16:54Read transcript

Craig T. Nelson, red hot after Poltergeist and later TV's Coach, drew inspiration from Mike Ditka, whose roots at Aliquippa High are mentioned; he grabs face masks, calls players ladies and asks for quitters, and is pegged as a young Pete Carroll type.

Approx. transcript time · 00:21:04Read transcript

Lisa, played by Leah Thompson (as transcribed), is maybe the favorite 80s high school girlfriend next to Sloan in Ferris Bueller, the nicest person ever as opposed to the Rose from Titanic; Thompson went on to Red Dawn, Howard the Duck and Back to the Future, and her daughter Zoe Deutsch became a rom-com star.

Approx. transcript time · 00:23:10Read transcript

The supporting cast includes Chris Penn, also in Footloose and True Romance with Sizemore, Terry O'Quinn as the recruiter and Leon as the star receiver; Pittsburgh-area movies of the time include Flashdance and Deer Hunter, later Jack Reacher and the boat cop movie Striking Distance.

Approx. transcript time · 00:26:44Read transcript

The director, Michael Chapman, was mainly one of the best cinematographers, shooting Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and The Fugitive as Scorsese's guy, and the DP was Jan de Bont, who shot Die Hard and directed Speed and Twister.

Approx. transcript time · 00:29:34Read transcript

Written by Michael Caine (as transcribed), it came from Pat Jordan's 1980 Geo Magazine piece on four weeks with the Duquesne High School football team; the getting-out concept runs through Rudy, Footloose, Star Wars and Doug McCray (as transcribed) in The Town.

Approx. transcript time · 00:30:46Read transcript

Digger is called one of the weirdest, least commercial movies of the year, like Birdman and Don't Look Up, with Cruise still great; Cruise candidates left include Edge of Tomorrow, Jack Reacher, War of the Worlds, Last Samurai and Vanilla Sky, and Joe Manganello, a big fan of the show, named Van Damme's Cyborg as his dream episode.

Approx. transcript time · 01:43:14Read transcript