Roger Ebert is said to be coming off a loss on the Tommy Boy episode, where he gave that film one out of four stars and put it on his most-hated list. — Bill Simmons
Ebert is quoted as calling it one of the most complex and visually interesting science fiction movies in a long time, showing Schwarzenegger's talent through more confusion and vulnerability; the host fully agrees. — Bill Simmons
Eddie Murphy; Lisa Eilbacher; LA cops as a possible apex that soon turned; Mumford High School; Harold Faltermeyer; Kent cigarettes; the mansion, owner unknown to the hosts, reused in Commando
Eddie was covered earlier; Lisa Eylbacher (as transcribed) is a 100,000 percent yes, with the joke that by apex he means valley; LA cops are at a possible apex that turned dramatically, since Colors came three or four years later and a lighthearted LA cops comedy could not be made ten years on; Mumford High School and Harold Faltenmeyer (as transcribed) are yeses.
Kent cigarettes are a yes, as is the mansion, whose owner and location the hosts do not know, which was used again in Commando a year later.
The Commando mention prompts movie star physics: Eddie in Cobra, Commando or Raw Deal; Raw Deal is called an Eddie Murphy movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger doing the Eddie stuff, weird human touches that need a human being, and the softest Arnold of his peak.
At the top of the show the suggestion is to rename Apex Mountain after Eddie, Axel Foley Mountain or Mount Foley, for the SNL, 48 Hours, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop run.
For a reboot you need Conor McGregor in the Jean-Claude Van Damme role, finding out about the Kumite and jumping in, perhaps forced by mobsters; whether he can do the humility the Frank Dukes character requires is answered yes, since his documentary shows a tender side, melting when Arnold Schwarzenegger does the 'I'll be back' line; Nate Diaz and Rampage Jackson round out the cast.
Leonardo DiCaprio was supposed to play Hans Landa, which would have meant doing the movie in English since he could not have learned German and French in time, though the joke is that a guy who slept in a carved-out bear might have taught himself.
Michael Fassbender tried out for Landa a couple of times and was heartbroken, then got the call that he had Hickox at the expense of Simon Pegg, who chose Tintin instead, a sliding-doors moment the hosts call very tough since they love Pegg.
Adam Sandler was rumored to play the Bear Jew and would have nailed the Teddy Williams thing; Nastasha Kinski (as transcribed) was initially going to play Bridget but turned it down, so Kruger got the role, and Kinski, 10 or 15 years older, would have been more a Marlene Dietrich aging starlet; Kruger is so good in the movie.
This is a generation of actors who grew up on Tarantino: Fassbender and friends put on a stage version of Reservoir Dogs in Dublin, and Simon Pegg sat alone in a hotel room anguished over choosing between Spielberg's obvious blockbuster and Tarantino's World War II movie.
Tarantino struggled over casting Melanie Laurent because he thought she was too famous and wanted to discover someone new; she insisted she was not famous and convinced him.
Tarantino met Pitt at Chateau Miraval, where Pitt lived with Angelina Jolie, and they discussed Aldo over a night and five bottles of the estate's own Pink Floyd rose before he accepted, so the rose was a critical factor.
This was the first time Tarantino worked with an in-his-prime movie star rather than rediscovering an underappreciated asset, and everything since, Django, Hateful Eight and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, has used stars in their sweet spot, so it may have been more of a risk for Tarantino than for Pitt; complicating things, the Weinstein Company produced and distributed the film, and Pitt, who had refused to work with Weinstein for years over Gwyneth Paltrow, did so because he wanted to work with Tarantino.
Possibly half-assed research rather than a casting what-if: an early iteration when Tarantino first conceived the project was rumored to include Sylvester Stallone as Aldo, Bruce Willis as Donnie Donowitz and Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hugo Stiglitz, which would make sense for a late-90s script.
Earlier, during the tavern discussion, Fassbender is said to have tried out for Landa five times, and a host wants to discuss in Casting What-Ifs how both careers would have gone with him as Landa.
Warner Brothers wanted a box office star and Arnold Schwarzenegger was batted around at one point, which is weird for a variety of reasons, though a host jokes he could have pulled off the Laura Linney cheating scenes; both Warren Beatty and Kevin Costner were considered, and Beatty took it seriously enough that after deciding not to do it he brought Dave to Ivan Reitman, which is how Reitman got the movie.
Costner is interesting but one voice doesn't think it works; he had the most power of his career right around then and basically plays Bob Alexander in 13 Days (as transcribed), so he has some interest in the executive branch; Kevin Kline almost turned it down because he thought the character was too close to his Fish Called Wanda character, which none of the hosts can see.
Casting what-ifs are blown early: this was almost a Robin Williams movie, which is 90% likely a disaster and 10% likely a reined-in Dead Poets Society performance; Kevin Kline being such a good and subtle actor keeps the ridiculous premise from becoming a circus show of clown ideas, whereas Williams's big expressive face riding that pig would make you ask what ridiculous movie this is, and how could two people look like Robin Williams.
The cameos are tremendous and feel very 1993: Oliver Stone, Tip O'Neill, Jay Leno, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the McGluffin Group (as transcribed), early Camden Yards two years in, Ben Stein and Paul Simon, not the politician; the only missing piece would be a fake SNL sketch with Phil Hartman doing Kevin Kline, and the movie feels trapped in that year.
The 'if you've ever seen the look on someone's face when they get a job' riff still gets a host; the soundtrack and music are happy and perfect yet completely of a moment, like the score in The Firm, the kind of score nobody writes anymore and which feels stolen for other movies and trailers.
Bob Alexander is a phenomenal bit and an iconic character to be discussed later, and the Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver wedding photo next to the bed is basically their Ice Storm photo before they made The Ice Storm, sideburns included, foreshadowing a movie the hosts all love.
The Kevin Kline and Ving Rhames scenes: Rhames, who later plays Marcellus and the Kiss of Death guy and all these crazy characters, is a straight presence here, and the exchange about his sweaters making his neck look too thick and whether to get a sweater vest is a sweet friendship.
DC itself: the film is said to be one of the only movies that realistically portrays what it's like to drive around Washington, unlike the virtually impossible routes most DC movies take, something the show points out about New York in nitpicks, though it helps that they don't go that many places.
Kevin Kline's performance counts too: he walks a fine tonal line in this that not many people could pull off, basically its own brand of comedy we haven't seen much of.
The cameos are one host's final answer, with the Oliver Stone one singled out as excellent and so funny, and the movie gets out of it quickly so the joke isn't beaten into the ground.
The script was written in 1990 with Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger in mind as the leads; the hosts agree that would have been horrible given the bodies, faces and accents, wondering how the vocal box would handle Arnold's or Sly's accent.
Joel Silver then optioned it wanting Michael Douglas and Harrison Ford, which some think would have been incredible but more like a sexual thriller going to a weird place; this detours into Michael Douglas's publicly stated claim about the sexual cause of his throat cancer, which one host insists is a true story to Google and others call a suburban legend and a humble brag.
Johnny Depp was in until he found out it was not a hockey movie, treated as true because it is on the internet, with jokes about whether he thought Pirates of the Caribbean or Edward Scissorhands were hockey movies too; Bruce Willis and Alc Baldwin (as transcribed) were teamed up at one point, which might actually have worked since Baldwin would dial it up.
The funniest pairing, apparently a real thing, was Van Damme and Steven Seagal, two of the greatest Russian moles America has to offer.
Would most have wanted to see Stallone and Schwarzenegger, because it does not make any sense and he needs to see that. — Jason Concepcion
Would want Douglas and Ford, who would have had so much contempt for the material, unable to believe they needed another ranch in Montana this badly. — Chris Ryan
Goes with Van Damme and Seagal (as transcribed 'Van Dammen to go'). — Shea Serrano
The others knew that pick was coming and call it the worst one of all of them.
Mark Wahlberg turned down the role of Castor's brother Pollux; the movie is better with Wahlberg if he is dialing it up, and Pollux's weird hairdo already looks like Wahlberg's Gambler character; Julianna Margulis (as transcribed) turned down the Gina Gershon part because she was filming ER, probably a good choice at that moment, since Gershon does not go around asking whether people saw her in Face Off.
