An absent Craig is explicitly introduced for a recorded review; he calls it an easy watch that leaves him feeling good despite cheesy-line eye rolls with his wife. — Kyle Brandt
He credits1990s earnest obliviousness and Schwarzenegger’s effort, questions Richard Tyson’s identity/mother relationship and motive, and praises the ponytail/hair-and-makeup look. — Kyle Brandt
The unelaborated Austria exchange is his favorite line; he concludes the film succeeds as Schwarzenegger entertaining children. — Kyle Brandt
The hosts thank Craig, then jokingly claim he hated the film and mentioned runtime, contrary to the inserted review’s positive conclusion. — Bill Simmons
Home Alone was the other initial choice for the children’s-movie moment, but Total Recall is accepted as better for showing the same actor’s range and expressions. — Bill Simmons
Naming the doll-playing child Sylvester is speculated to be a Schwarzenegger/Stallone rivalry jab; Dominic’s name is also queried without an answer. — Bill Simmons
The displaced teacher’s job and tenure are questioned; an invented return followed by Kimball replacing her again imagines her leaving teaching. — Kyle Brandt
Two Moon Junction is preferred for Richard Tyson; Penelope Miller’s apex is left uncertain. — Kyle Brandt
Miller’s work with Pacino, De Niro and Brando is praised and IMDb’s four highlighted films are listed; hybrid action/kids movies get a yes. — Bill Simmons
Ghostbusters is preferred for Reitman, Astoria gets yes, undercover-cop movies no, and tumors yes specifically in a comic catchphrase sense. — Bill Simmons
Brookstone is added enthusiastically, though the store in When Harry Met Sally is uncertain between Brookstone and Sharper Image. — Kyle Brandt
Expensive gadgets, grip toys, headphones and novelty office objects prompt nostalgic store memories. — Kyle Brandt
Filming at John Jacob Astor Elementary in Astoria, Schwarzenegger’s requested private gym and five cut Stephen Root scenes are reported; details beyond the deleted-scene anecdote are unknown. — Kyle Brandt
Criterion is said to have announced a prank disc release on April1,2012; a later4K release is mentioned. — Bill Simmons
The Goonies house is reported roughly1.6 miles from the school. — Bill Simmons
Reitman’s five rules are recited: listen, act naturally, know the character, avoid looking at the camera and be disciplined; camera awareness is thought hardest. — Bill Simmons
The overalls/bathroom girl is favored for unpredictable energy and her later exchanges with Schwarzenegger; unscripted behavior is speculation. — Kyle Brandt
The penis/vagina kid is the alternative; he is said to have played Gage in the film transcribed Pet Cemetery, with the actor name unstated. — Bill Simmons
Roadhouse dialogue, throat-ripping and a crude prison taunt are jokingly transplanted into Kindergarten Cop rather than reported as actual scenes. — Bill Simmons
Reported DeVito consideration is questioned because the police role seems implausible despite the opposite height joke; a Roadhouse crossover with Sam Elliott is imagined. — Bill Simmons
Catherine O Hara is reported unavailable because of Home Alone; Sandra Bullock and Elijah Wood are said not to have landed parts. The speaker’s identification of Joyce as the abused child’s mother is uncertain. — Bill Simmons
Christian Slater is said to have been considered for Crisp after Heathers but to have chosen Pump Up the Volume, which receives approval. — Bill Simmons
A story that Audrey Hepburn rejected Eleanor Crisp because she loved children is explicitly treated as unverified; the thermometer scene is joked about.
Tag, dodgeball or kickball with Schwarzenegger ordering children around is proposed as irresistible viewing that could have preceded Billy Madison. — Bill Simmons
Making the abused child a dodgeball hero is floated; the need for another such scene is reiterated. — Kyle Brandt
A Premiere article is quoted for children calling him strange but likable, reporting nose-picking and messy eating, and admiring his ability to lift everyone. — Bill Simmons
A Schwarzenegger quotation describes telling a crying child to toughen up after hurting her knee; the speakers contrast this with likely modern objections. — Bill Simmons
His intensity about fitness is discussed, including making young children exercise on set. — Bill Simmons
Astoria is praised as an idyllic-looking place to raise children and compared with the appeal of Notre Dame in Rudy and its appearance in The Goonies. — Bill Simmons
The abuse plot triggers a sarcastic contrast with present-day intolerance and memories of issue-driven sitcom episodes teaching children about danger. — Kyle Brandt
The strong poster and surname-only star billing are praised; Project Hail Mary’s Gosling billing and uncluttered Sports Illustrated covers are comparisons. — Bill Simmons
Ponytailed villains are celebrated: Crisp, Ben Kingsley in Sneakers, Julian Sands in Warlock, Sam Jackson in Jackie Brown and Terry Silver in Karate Kid3/Cobra Kai. — Bill Simmons
A ponytail’s ability to change someone’s perceived personality leads to a roommate anecdote. — Bill Simmons
