The script was written in 1990 with Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger in mind as the leads; the hosts agree that would have been horrible given the bodies, faces and accents, wondering how the vocal box would handle Arnold's or Sly's accent.
Joel Silver then optioned it wanting Michael Douglas and Harrison Ford, which some think would have been incredible but more like a sexual thriller going to a weird place; this detours into Michael Douglas's publicly stated claim about the sexual cause of his throat cancer, which one host insists is a true story to Google and others call a suburban legend and a humble brag.
Johnny Depp was in until he found out it was not a hockey movie, treated as true because it is on the internet, with jokes about whether he thought Pirates of the Caribbean or Edward Scissorhands were hockey movies too; Bruce Willis and Alc Baldwin (as transcribed) were teamed up at one point, which might actually have worked since Baldwin would dial it up.
The funniest pairing, apparently a real thing, was Van Damme and Steven Seagal, two of the greatest Russian moles America has to offer.
Would most have wanted to see Stallone and Schwarzenegger, because it does not make any sense and he needs to see that. — Jason Concepcion
Would want Douglas and Ford, who would have had so much contempt for the material, unable to believe they needed another ranch in Montana this badly. — Chris Ryan
Goes with Van Damme and Seagal (as transcribed 'Van Dammen to go'). — Shea Serrano
The others knew that pick was coming and call it the worst one of all of them.
Mark Wahlberg turned down the role of Castor's brother Pollux; the movie is better with Wahlberg if he is dialing it up, and Pollux's weird hairdo already looks like Wahlberg's Gambler character; Julianna Margulis (as transcribed) turned down the Gina Gershon part because she was filming ER, probably a good choice at that moment, since Gershon does not go around asking whether people saw her in Face Off.
Drew Barrymore was cast as Sidney before commitments cut her to four days; Molly Ringwald was Williamson's first choice for Sidney; Brooke Shields for the Courtney Cox reporter; Ben Affleck considered for the Skeet Ulrich part; Breckin Meyer for the Jamie Kennedy part; Reese Witherspoon declined to audition for Sidney; Rebecca Gayhart (as transcribed) for the Rose McGowan part; Freddie Prinze (as transcribed) up for a role
Drew Barrymore was supposed to be Sidney and was locked in, the first to buy in and give the script credibility, but commitments left them four days with her, so she played the opening scene, which is thought to have helped the movie.
It is hard to name another 1996 actress who could have carried the first murder with the same weight; Jennifer Aniston pretending to be eighteen is rejected, while Barrymore was famous yet young, a zeitgeist star.
Neve Campbell was caught at a nice point in Party of Five; in a fantasy draft of 1996 actresses including Aniston, Courtney Cox, Reese Witherspoon and Sarah Michelle Gellar one host would take her top five for a 25-year career, while another never really got it.
Party of Five trained her to do the sad emotions better than anybody, and she is formidable enough that you believe she would win a straight-up fist fight, which is why Drew Barrymore would not have worked as well in the lead.
Gail Weathers getting punched in the face is another good scene for a host who hated Friends as a kid and still counts Ross as the least favorite character, which draws the remark that this is a hot-takey podcast.
Neve Campbell never found a second stage after starring in a hundred-million-dollar movie; she is thought to have gone artsy and precious with the dance movie The Company, and her House of Cards appearance was greeted as a comeback.
Molly Ringwald was the first choice Williamson wrote the movie for; she turned it down as too old at 27, which would have been a disaster as a high school senior, though an aged-up, harder-edged Gail Weathers might have suited her.
Brooke Shields was in the mix for the Courtney Cox reporter role and Ben Affleck was supposedly considered for the Skeet Ulrich part, but this is one of the few movies where no name could be plugged into any role to improve it.
Jamie Kennedy's part is the one that might have been stepped up, yet Breckin Meyer, who was up for it, would not have worked, because the character has to be annoying in the right way.
Reese Witherspoon was wanted to audition for Sidney and wanted no part of it; she would have been good in anything, even Predator, and instead made the roller-coaster movie with Mark Wahlberg and the gnarly Freeway that year, with Cruel Intentions flagged for a future episode.
Rebecca Gayhart (as transcribed) was up for Rose McGowan's part, though nothing like her, and was then put in Scream 2; after 90210 and the Noxzema ads she looked destined to be a massive star, but like Felicity she was hair dependent in a way that fit only 1996.
Freddie Prinze (as transcribed) was remembered from the research as up for one of these roles; he was neck and neck for everything for three years, and gets away with his acting only in high school movies, so Summer Catch and She's All That cut around his throwing and kicking.
Winstone and Nicholson’s friction, Nicholson’s Red Sox/Celtics refusal, DiCaprio’s project choice, accent coach Jay Giannone, profanity, and Wahlberg drawing on people who arrested him
DiCaprio versus Damon, the delayed title, Baldwin and Wahlberg’s department, the cranberry-juice scene, Costello’s death, Dropkick Murphys, and contemporary Boston sports links
