Crisp receives6.5 for being strange and scary, his interrogation taunt, ponytail and clothing, despite limited material. — Bill Simmons
A second view gives both Crisp and his mother4 and recalls Richard Tyson in3 o clock high and Two Moon Junction as distracting baggage. — Bill Simmons
Brad Wesley in Roadhouse is judged a more consistently effective villain; Crisp’s escalation and uncertain degree of evil are criticized. — Bill Simmons
A reported account says test audiences sympathized with Crisp, prompting added nasty behavior; the toy-set assault is suggested as a possible addition. — Bill Simmons
Tag, dodgeball or kickball with Schwarzenegger ordering children around is proposed as irresistible viewing that could have preceded Billy Madison. — Bill Simmons
Making the abused child a dodgeball hero is floated; the need for another such scene is reiterated. — Kyle Brandt
Crisp is provocatively defended as a father seeking his son, reframing Kimball and the mother negatively despite Crisp’s violence. — Kyle Brandt
Over the Top and Commando are comparisons for a father trying to recover a child; Kimball’s separation from his own son is contrasted with Crisp’s persistence. — Bill Simmons
The response calls the take great and really impressive. — Kyle Brandt
The second take would erase Kindergarten Cop to avoid dozens of bad imitators, using an exaggerated Oppenheimer analogy and citing The Tooth Fairy. — Kyle Brandt
Roadhouse dialogue, throat-ripping and a crude prison taunt are jokingly transplanted into Kindergarten Cop rather than reported as actual scenes. — Bill Simmons
Reported DeVito consideration is questioned because the police role seems implausible despite the opposite height joke; a Roadhouse crossover with Sam Elliott is imagined. — Bill Simmons
Catherine O Hara is reported unavailable because of Home Alone; Sandra Bullock and Elijah Wood are said not to have landed parts. The speaker’s identification of Joyce as the abused child’s mother is uncertain. — Bill Simmons
Christian Slater is said to have been considered for Crisp after Heathers but to have chosen Pump Up the Volume, which receives approval. — Bill Simmons
A story that Audrey Hepburn rejected Eleanor Crisp because she loved children is explicitly treated as unverified; the thermometer scene is joked about.
The overalls/bathroom girl is favored for unpredictable energy and her later exchanges with Schwarzenegger; unscripted behavior is speculation. — Kyle Brandt
The penis/vagina kid is the alternative; he is said to have played Gage in the film transcribed Pet Cemetery, with the actor name unstated. — Bill Simmons
James Cameron is proposed with Jamie Lee as the other teacher and increased violence/production value; a joke imagines tall blue students with tails. — Bill Simmons
Given the star and director’s status, a more ambitious cast is wanted, with Julia Roberts as the teacher on the run. — Kyle Brandt
Nick Cage is proposed as Crisp and receives approval. — Kyle Brandt
Meg Ryan as the partner is questioned because she would need to be the female lead and might imply too much romantic interest; the existing partner’s flirtation and kiss are debated. — Kyle Brandt
Filming at John Jacob Astor Elementary in Astoria, Schwarzenegger’s requested private gym and five cut Stephen Root scenes are reported; details beyond the deleted-scene anecdote are unknown. — Kyle Brandt
Criterion is said to have announced a prank disc release on April1,2012; a later4K release is mentioned. — Bill Simmons
The Goonies house is reported roughly1.6 miles from the school. — Bill Simmons
Reitman’s five rules are recited: listen, act naturally, know the character, avoid looking at the camera and be disciplined; camera awareness is thought hardest. — Bill Simmons
Two Moon Junction is preferred for Richard Tyson; Penelope Miller’s apex is left uncertain. — Kyle Brandt
Miller’s work with Pacino, De Niro and Brando is praised and IMDb’s four highlighted films are listed; hybrid action/kids movies get a yes. — Bill Simmons
Ghostbusters is preferred for Reitman, Astoria gets yes, undercover-cop movies no, and tumors yes specifically in a comic catchphrase sense. — Bill Simmons
Brookstone is added enthusiastically, though the store in When Harry Met Sally is uncertain between Brookstone and Sharper Image. — Kyle Brandt
Expensive gadgets, grip toys, headphones and novelty office objects prompt nostalgic store memories. — Kyle Brandt
