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The Rewatchables · May 25, 2021

The Rock

host Bill Simmons host Chris Ryan guest Mina Kimes

What aged best: Alcatraz
Casting what-if: Arnold Schwarzenegger as John Patrick Mason
What aged worst: Runtime

All 18 categories

Who won the movie Sean Connery
Roger Ebert
“That Guy” Award Gregory Sporleder
Overacting Award Tony Todd

Most Rewatchable Scene · 28:34

Mine cart chase

Bill Simmons: The weapons-theft scene is praised: the "bubble face" guy trapped in the vault, the rockets with green balls inside, and David Morris's "sorry, dude"; a take follows that Bubbleface deserved to die for dropping the rocket.

Bill Simmons: Connery's first scene, 25 minutes in, with long hair in prison, is called one of the coolest entrances ever; the "lead left in your pencil" line and William Forsy's needlessly cutting insults are singled out.

The Neil McCauley “A Book about Metals” Award for Best Line from the Movie · 1:30:10

"That's the most awful thing I've ever seen"

Mina Kimes: Real Rockheads love the morgue-scene lines about the feet and "that's the most awful thing I've ever seen"; Cage's subtle readings like "FBI, freeze, sucker" and introducing himself as Stanley Goodspeed are favorites, and the Rocket Man quote is the stupidest but still funny.

The film

The Rock (1996)

Directed by Michael Bay · Action

136 minutes

IMDb Find on JustWatch Find on Rotten Tomatoes

Cast

Selected cast credits · Film reference

Sean Connery Captain (retired) John Patrick Mason SAS/MI6

Nicolas Cage Special Agent Dr. Stanley Goodspeed

Ed Harris Brigadier General Francis "Frank" X. Hummel

David Morse Major Tom Baxter

John Spencer FBI Director James Womack

William Forsythe Special Agent Ernest Paxton

Michael Biehn Commander Charles Anderson

Vanessa Marcil Carla Pestalozzi

Gregory Sporleder Captain Frye

Tony Todd Captain Darrow

John C. McGinley Captain Hendrix

Bokeem Woodbine Gunnery Sergeant Crisp

Danny Nucci Lieutenant Shepard

Claire Forlani Jade Angelou

Anthony Clark Paul the hairdresser

Stanley Anderson President of the United States

Philip Baker Hall Chief Justice (uncredited)

Everything from the episode

In the order the hosts got to it. Open a row for the discussion.

28:34

Most Rewatchable Scene

Mine cart chase; decontamination chamber; situation room call; cistern scene; morgue scene; shower assault

In the discussion (16)

Approx. transcript time · 00:28:34Read transcript

The weapons-theft scene is praised: the "bubble face" guy trapped in the vault, the rockets with green balls inside, and David Morris's "sorry, dude"; a take follows that Bubbleface deserved to die for dropping the rocket. — Bill Simmons
Connery's first scene, 25 minutes in, with long hair in prison, is called one of the coolest entrances ever; the "lead left in your pencil" line and William Forsy's needlessly cutting insults are singled out. — Bill Simmons
The balcony escape (haircut on the balcony, lobster for the Secret Service, flipping John Spencer over the rail with a rope) is everything wanted in a rewatchable action scene: nine things wrong with it, but super fun; it shows a 66-year-old being underestimated, after the quarter cutting the interrogation window.
Any San Francisco movie with an out-of-control trolley going down the hills gets a defense of the car chase. — Bill Simmons
"Welcome to the Rock" follows Connery remembering the fire pattern; Bay himself pointed out the boiler would not still be working at Alcatraz, and remembering the sequence 30-plus years later is questioned. — Bill Simmons
The shower room shootout sets a record for slow-motion bullet deaths with arms-out convulsions; "I cannot give that order / you will give that order" is as good as it gets, and Michael Bean's commander scene is the first test of Hummel's morals, with Harris visibly upset.
The mine cart chase is the walkthrough's favorite: it feels like an abandoned Disney World or Pirates of the Caribbean ride, with a cart impenetrable to bullets like a protective bathtub.
Connery versus Harris is fun as two preeminent bald actors go head to head, though Connery wears a toupee; a Robert Duvall cameo is wished for. — Bill Simmons
Asked whether the mutiny shootout (with Tony Todd killed by a rocket) was Tarantino's one uncredited contribution, the reply is that after Reservoir Dogs everybody wanted every character pointing a gun at one another at the same time, perhaps with Tarantino suggesting a mutiny within the mutiny, as in John Wu and Tony Scott movies until about 2001. — Chris Ryan
The mutiny shows who is hardcore: Tony Todd (Candyman) signals he is not fooling around, Boeem Woodbine is softer, and David Morris delivers the ultimate betrayal; Harris should not have chosen new guys for the mission. — Mina Kimes
The green flares finale gets slow motion from many angles and green smoke; Bay flashes back to the Chekhov's flares rather than trusting viewers, it is unintentionally funny, Cage does another Christ pose, and it is guessed to be Bay's favorite part, with F-16s under the Golden Gate Bridge.
Favorite scene: the decontamination chamber where Stanley Goodspeed is first seen in action ("you want me to stick this into my heart?"), which sets a grittier tone for an R action movie. — Chris Ryan
Also rewatchable: the situation room call where Ed Harris calls in, with John Spencer, the White House Chief of Staff and Philip Baker Hall in the room; no movie has ever suffered from a situation room. — Chris Ryan
The situation room is felt to be a couple of that-guy types short (where was Robert Ridgely?); Harris announcing "Hummel from Alcatraz" and looking straight into the camera after the shower room scene are highlighted.
Favorite is the "Cistern scene" with a "Welcome to the Rock" attempt; second is the morgue scene, with the knife throw ("You must never hesitate"), the air conditioner kill, "that's just about the most awful thing I've ever seen," and the kicking feet. — Mina Kimes
A further most-rewatchable answer names the shower assault (SEALs versus Marines in the shower) and the mine cart chase; the answering voice is unresolved. — Bill Simmons

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49:50

What’s Aged the Best?

Alcatraz; San Francisco car chases; Simpson-Bruckheimer logo card; characters who don't exist; former That Guys; Clai...

Alcatraz; San Francisco car chases; Simpson-Bruckheimer logo card; characters who don't exist; former That Guys; Claire Forlani what-if; Connery's Alcatraz cabin; the film's politics

In the discussion (9)

Approx. transcript time · 00:49:50Read transcript

Alcatraz: no movie using it has failed to be cool. — Bill Simmons
San Francisco car chases are one speaker's pick, over the others' disagreement. — Bill Simmons
The "losers always whine about their best; winners go home and fuck the prom queen" line is raised: it seemed the coolest thing at 13 but now reads as bizarre and very 90s. — Bill Simmons
The Simpson-Bruckheimer logo card, and RIP to Don Simpson, whose last film this was; a 1996 EW piece quoted Connery that Simpson did not look right on set, and his legendary appetite for cocaine is noted.
Action-movie characters who "don't exist" because their records were wiped clean are a winner every time. — Bill Simmons
The cast list of former that-guys who graduated: David Morris, John C. McGinley, Philip Baker Hall, John Spencer, William Forsyth and Michael Bean, whose fan following is joked about as the "Bean Hive" and who always plays military men, as in The Abyss and Terminator. — Bill Simmons
Claire Forlani's what-if: after Mallrats it seemed she would happen until Meet Joe Black; the belief that it still could happen has aged best. — Bill Simmons
Too good for half-assed internet research: Connery made the producers build him a cabin on Alcatraz rather than travel to the mainland, compared with Arnold's private-plane demands on T2.
The politics have aged well, unusually for Bay: a nuanced view of government and patriotism in the Hummel-Mason conversation, where Connery cites Oscar Wilde; the bluff ending, where Hummel refuses to kill a million people, keeps the film resting on whether he would do it. — Mina Kimes

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58:17

What’s Aged the Worst?

Runtime; grunge-guitarist line; the wrestler's name overshadowing the title; Anthony Clark's hairstylist; the first t...

Runtime; grunge-guitarist line; the wrestler's name overshadowing the title; Anthony Clark's hairstylist; the first third; Carla

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 00:58:17Read transcript

The movie is too long, about two hours and 15 minutes; a three-minute car chase or a foot chase would have saved time and money.
The "unless you're a 20-year-old grunge guitarist from Seattle" line is a specific 1996 line that has aged worst. — Bill Simmons
The Rock the wrestler and actor overshadows the film in search results; you must type "the Rock 1996 movie." — Bill Simmons
Anthony Clark as the super gay hairstylist would not be run back today. — Bill Simmons
The first third has a lot of fat; Craig, watching for the first time, was dubious a third of the way in, while the other two-thirds go hard. — Mina Kimes
Carla draws mixed feelings and leads into picking nits. — Mina Kimes

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1:02:18

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

Gregory Sporleder

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:02:18Read transcript

The last guy standing at the end with the pronounced chin, "Gregory, spoiler," whose name the speaker does not know, could sweep the That Guy, Dionne Waiters and Vincent Hanna awards; "I think he wins." — Bill Simmons
Also mentioned: the nanny from Jerry McGuire, the campus rapist from 90210, and Costner's brother in American Flyers. — Chris Ryan
Stanley Anderson plays the president in both The Rock and Armageddon, suggesting a Michael Bay universe.
Danny Nucci, the Marine hanging upside down after the shootout, turns up in many 90s action movies, including Crimson Tide.

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1:03:59

The Ruffalo / Hanna / Rubinek / Partridge Overacting Award

Tony Todd

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:03:59Read transcript

Eight people could be mentioned, but the finals are Tony Todd and Greg; Tony Todd is called ridiculous in this movie, borderline aged-worst, and a better actor in the part might make a better movie. — Bill Simmons
Defense: he shows the kind of guy Hummel has to hire, and the two who drift from military discipline into lying on the bed ("locked and ready to rock") are enjoyable. — Chris Ryan
The film sets Tony Todd up early as a psycho, carrying Candyman baggage since Candyman came first. — Mina Kimes

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1:07:25

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

VX gas; William Forsythe

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:07:25Read transcript

Everyone is on a heat check; Anthony Clark tries to win it but it goes badly.
The first inanimate-object nomination in Rewatchables history: VX gas, with very small screen time, looking great, and as bad as imagined when stuffed in a mouth, "a literal heat check"; the nomination is welcomed. — Chris Ryan
Most usual candidates are poor parts (Claire Forlani, the hairdresser) or, like Connery, in the movie too much. — Bill Simmons
A vote for William Forsyth as the FBI man: an early asshole who is kind when Cage pukes (a Cage improvisation), then lets it slide that Mason is alive; with Raising Arizona history, quietly very good; he gets it if a person must win. — Mina Kimes

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1:15:03

Apex Mountain

Nicolas Cage; nerve gas; Alcatraz movies; naked guitar playing; Vanessa Marcil; 1996 action movies; Michael Bay creat...

Nicolas Cage; nerve gas; Alcatraz movies; naked guitar playing; Vanessa Marcil; 1996 action movies; Michael Bay creatively; Hummers

In the discussion (13)

Approx. transcript time · 01:15:03Read transcript

Nicolas Cage is a yes: coming off the Oscar and leading the fourth-biggest movie of 1996 at $330 million, "It's definitely this." — Bill Simmons
Connery is a no, as is late-career Connery, with Crusade cited instead. — Bill Simmons
Nerve gas rockets, not nuclear, mark the peak moment for nerve gas; the film is said to have been a source of misinformation for British intelligence ahead of the Iraq invasion, and fear of nerve gas persists. — Mina Kimes
Ed Harris is a no. — Bill Simmons
Alcatraz movies: The Rock is judged better than the slow Escape from Alcatraz, which was filmed during tours and was being shot during a 1980 family visit. — Bill Simmons
Naked guitar playing is absolutely Apex Mountain. — Bill Simmons
Movie mutinies go to Crimson Tide, with this and Mutiny on the Bounty possibly a Mount Rushmore. — Bill Simmons
Vanessa Marseille, after 90210 and dating Brian Austin Green, peaks as the lead female in an action movie; she gets it. — Bill Simmons
Christ poses go to The Last Temptation of Christ, then Platoon; needles in the heart stay with Pulp Fiction.
It is called the best action movie of 1996, better than Independence Day, Twister, Mission Impossible and Eraser, which all made more money; agreement follows. — Mina Kimes
With Armageddon raised as Bay's earnings peak, asked whether creatively this was the apex, the answer is "a hundred percent": the only Bay movie that rises to excellent, with Bad Boys 2 and the original Transformers merely okay. — Mina Kimes
Another view likes many Bay movies, even recent ones, but calls the Transformers films an anvil on his career. — Chris Ryan
It was an apex year for Hummers.

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1:26:00

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

Series with more hostage and mutiny politics; David E. Kelley-style version

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:26:00Read transcript

The premise is unimpeachable, but actors of the core three's caliber would be hard to find; a series could answer how the hostages ate or used the bathroom, with more hostage and mutiny politics. — Mina Kimes
David E. Kelly's The Rock: the wives and girlfriends drinking wine in Montecito, hoping it works out on the Rock; "That could work." — Bill Simmons

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1:28:51

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

Kennedy microfilm; the 1996 Hummer; underwater approach vehicles

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:28:51Read transcript

The microfilm that reveals how Kennedy really died; "That's the right answer." — Bill Simmons
The game-used 1996 Hummer from the film, possibly product placement. — Bill Simmons
The underwater vehicles used for the approach, which were probably about 200k each. — Bill Simmons

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1:29:41