Alcatraz; San Francisco car chases; Simpson-Bruckheimer logo card; characters who don't exist; former That Guys; Claire Forlani what-if; Connery's Alcatraz cabin; the film's politics
Alcatraz: no movie using it has failed to be cool. — Bill Simmons
San Francisco car chases are one speaker's pick, over the others' disagreement. — Bill Simmons
The "losers always whine about their best; winners go home and fuck the prom queen" line is raised: it seemed the coolest thing at 13 but now reads as bizarre and very 90s. — Bill Simmons
The Simpson-Bruckheimer logo card, and RIP to Don Simpson, whose last film this was; a 1996 EW piece quoted Connery that Simpson did not look right on set, and his legendary appetite for cocaine is noted.
Action-movie characters who "don't exist" because their records were wiped clean are a winner every time. — Bill Simmons
Claire Forlani's what-if: after Mallrats it seemed she would happen until Meet Joe Black; the belief that it still could happen has aged best. — Bill Simmons
Too good for half-assed internet research: Connery made the producers build him a cabin on Alcatraz rather than travel to the mainland, compared with Arnold's private-plane demands on T2.
The politics have aged well, unusually for Bay: a nuanced view of government and patriotism in the Hummel-Mason conversation, where Connery cites Oscar Wilde; the bluff ending, where Hummel refuses to kill a million people, keeps the film resting on whether he would do it. — Mina Kimes
Picked early: would the rope break or rip off Connery's arm pulling the 180-pound John Spencer, and how does a 20-foot rope come from a shower curtain; nitpicking a Bay movie is like criticizing a child's drawing.
Moved up from Picking Nits: why is there a Disneyland world of mine carts, burners and storage under a prison on an island, and was it filmed separately; an attempt to research it is mentioned. — Bill Simmons
Flagged as a nit: characters supposedly wiped from the record, yet Cage's friend finds Jade Angelou and her address in 30 seconds, though the scene establishes trust. — Mina Kimes
Carla is questioned as a character: she is told the underwater strategy in the situation room with top officials; the part feels shoehorned, possibly from notes to include Vanessa Mercell and Claire Forlani so it was not all dudes.
Connery has not driven for 35 years yet zooms a Hummer around San Francisco and knows the streets.
Did the hostages ever eat or go to the bathroom over about three days? Die Hard accounts for it; this film does not address it. — Bill Simmons
Recapped nits: the Secret Service at the balcony haircut, the working boilers (which even Bay admitted was ridiculous), and Connery remembering the basement 30-plus years later. — Bill Simmons
There is no reason for Cage to take the green egg into a fight in his chest pocket; he lands on it and it stays intact, and shoving it in a mouth should fail, though it is still enjoyed. — Bill Simmons
Major nit: Cage's resistance to atropine; its listed side effects (light sensitivity, blurred vision, dry mouth, constipation and more) are mild compared with VX gas, so taking five shots would make sense. — Chris Ryan
The government should just pay the $83 million, roughly what Barry Bond signed for in 1996, rather than put San Francisco at risk. — Mina Kimes
Leaving the one man who can stop the mission alone in a cell, unguarded despite 30 men and stray Marines around Alcatraz, is illogical. — Mina Kimes
Connery would miss some of his rope-and-hook throws to pull the doors; he would win an Olympic event for it. — Bill Simmons
The weapons-theft scene is praised: the "bubble face" guy trapped in the vault, the rockets with green balls inside, and David Morris's "sorry, dude"; a take follows that Bubbleface deserved to die for dropping the rocket. — Bill Simmons
Connery's first scene, 25 minutes in, with long hair in prison, is called one of the coolest entrances ever; the "lead left in your pencil" line and William Forsy's needlessly cutting insults are singled out. — Bill Simmons
The balcony escape (haircut on the balcony, lobster for the Secret Service, flipping John Spencer over the rail with a rope) is everything wanted in a rewatchable action scene: nine things wrong with it, but super fun; it shows a 66-year-old being underestimated, after the quarter cutting the interrogation window.
Any San Francisco movie with an out-of-control trolley going down the hills gets a defense of the car chase. — Bill Simmons
"Welcome to the Rock" follows Connery remembering the fire pattern; Bay himself pointed out the boiler would not still be working at Alcatraz, and remembering the sequence 30-plus years later is questioned. — Bill Simmons
The shower room shootout sets a record for slow-motion bullet deaths with arms-out convulsions; "I cannot give that order / you will give that order" is as good as it gets, and Michael Bean's commander scene is the first test of Hummel's morals, with Harris visibly upset.
The mine cart chase is the walkthrough's favorite: it feels like an abandoned Disney World or Pirates of the Caribbean ride, with a cart impenetrable to bullets like a protective bathtub.
Connery versus Harris is fun as two preeminent bald actors go head to head, though Connery wears a toupee; a Robert Duvall cameo is wished for. — Bill Simmons
Asked whether the mutiny shootout (with Tony Todd killed by a rocket) was Tarantino's one uncredited contribution, the reply is that after Reservoir Dogs everybody wanted every character pointing a gun at one another at the same time, perhaps with Tarantino suggesting a mutiny within the mutiny, as in John Wu and Tony Scott movies until about 2001. — Chris Ryan
The mutiny shows who is hardcore: Tony Todd (Candyman) signals he is not fooling around, Boeem Woodbine is softer, and David Morris delivers the ultimate betrayal; Harris should not have chosen new guys for the mission. — Mina Kimes
The green flares finale gets slow motion from many angles and green smoke; Bay flashes back to the Chekhov's flares rather than trusting viewers, it is unintentionally funny, Cage does another Christ pose, and it is guessed to be Bay's favorite part, with F-16s under the Golden Gate Bridge.
Favorite scene: the decontamination chamber where Stanley Goodspeed is first seen in action ("you want me to stick this into my heart?"), which sets a grittier tone for an R action movie. — Chris Ryan
Also rewatchable: the situation room call where Ed Harris calls in, with John Spencer, the White House Chief of Staff and Philip Baker Hall in the room; no movie has ever suffered from a situation room. — Chris Ryan
The situation room is felt to be a couple of that-guy types short (where was Robert Ridgely?); Harris announcing "Hummel from Alcatraz" and looking straight into the camera after the shower room scene are highlighted.
Favorite is the "Cistern scene" with a "Welcome to the Rock" attempt; second is the morgue scene, with the knife throw ("You must never hesitate"), the air conditioner kill, "that's just about the most awful thing I've ever seen," and the kicking feet. — Mina Kimes
A further most-rewatchable answer names the shower assault (SEALs versus Marines in the shower) and the mine cart chase; the answering voice is unresolved. — Bill Simmons
