Research reportedly shows the director sought out and lobbied for Hathaway.
The film reportedly has no conventional score: the director insisted on live music somewhere in each scene, annoying actors.
Hathaway’s demand that the music stop is reported to be a genuinely frustrated take that was kept.
The film was originally titled Dancing with Shiva, mocked in light of Michael Clayton’s Shiva speech.
The dishwasher scene was reportedly based on an event involving Sidney Lumet and Bob Fosse.
Demme is quoted wanting live music playing in the next room or garden rather than a traditional score; Robyn Hitchcock played a wedding guest.
Demme reportedly told crew to let Hathaway deal with the music, so her anger in the scene was real; Hitchcock likened the shoot to a real wedding without alcohol, much of it shot in real time.

Roger Ebert's review

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 00:38:41Read transcript

Roger Ebert gave the film four stars.
His review is quoted: the deep subject is the marriage itself and how a multicultural society is growing comfortable with itself.
The reading is called beautiful and present in the film, though seen as giving the director the benefit of the doubt.

Picking Nits

Dishwasher bragging; missing Carol–Kym scene; Kym’s legal consequences; drowning details; too many musicians; Rachel’s unused psychology training

In the discussion (8)

Approx. transcript time · 00:45:02Read transcript

Questions about Rachel’s psychology degree are promised for nitpicks.
Bragging about loading a dishwasher is called bizarre, though one host takes pride in it.
A late scene between the Carol character and the younger sister, as a needed mother figure, would have improved the film.
Kym would seemingly face negligent-homicide charges for killing her brother while high; the timeline is worked out as about ten years since she was 16.
More detail was wanted about her failure to free Ethan from the car seat.
A wedding with so many musicians and so little socializing is questioned.
Rachel, nearly a psychology PhD, never applies her training to prepare for her sister’s return, such as the maid-of-honor slight.
No nits are recorded from the absent participant, who dropped out of the call.

Most Rewatchable Scene

Kym’s fight with her mother

In the discussion (14)

Approx. transcript time · 00:50:53Read transcript

For the theme month the category is renamed Most Gripping, or Dysfunctional, Scene, with a clear winner anticipated.
Nominee: the younger sister learning she is not maid of honor, a sister fight that dredges up childhood grievances.
The annoying blonde friend making the saris draws mockery.
Nominee: the mother’s arrival and the rehearsal-dinner toasts, with visible handheld camerawork and a curved table.
Watching the toasts with a daughter who pleaded that the younger sister not give a speech is recalled; she takes the mic and the family freezes into panicked thin smiles.
On rewatch the toast itself seems less cringeworthy than remembered; the dread at the table makes the scene. A recent Euphoria intervention episode is compared.
Real wedding-speech disasters are recalled, including a heckled best man and maid-of-honor poems.
Nominee: the post-rehearsal fight that ends with Rachel’s pregnancy announcement, called an all-time mic drop and unfair.
Nominee: the dishwasher-loading contest, a rare functional-family moment that collapses at the Ethan plate and leaves the younger sister alone in the kitchen.
A long-running dishwasher feud with a sister, who prefers washing by hand, is described.
Nominees: the younger sister’s rehab speech and the post-salon fight over invented rehab stories, ending with the father breaking down.
Nominee: the younger sister confronting her mother over leaving her to watch her brother, called perhaps the most intense 90 seconds of the theme month and one the movie cannot recover from.
The mother leaving the wedding early after the hug is also listed.
Final choice: the mother-daughter fight, echoed with “ditto”; the toast is argued for but accepted as the backup, needing to be a little funnier.

What’s Aged the Best?

Rosemarie DeWitt; live music; title-drop speech; trumpet player’s toast to Ethan; Sidney’s wedding song; Debra Winger

In the discussion (11)

Approx. transcript time · 01:04:11Read transcript

Rosemarie DeWitt is praised and her lack of a supporting-actress nomination lamented.
The 2008 supporting-actress nominees are recalled; asked whom to drop for DeWitt, one host cuts Amy Adams, likened to Alex Smith.
The strange, memorable live music is praised.
A speech that says the movie’s title is enjoyed.
The trumpet player’s rehearsal-dinner shout-out to Ethan drains the life from Hathaway’s face.
Sidney’s Neil Young song at the wedding is praised for his beautiful voice, with jokes that he should be in a band.
Debra Winger is chosen, with research on roles she turned down or lost: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Fatal Attraction, Broadcast News, Peggy Sue Got Married, A League of Their Own, and Romancing the Stone after a reported biting incident.
Winger’s career is discussed: Urban Cowboy’s overwhelming screen presence, An Officer and a Gentleman and Terms of Endearment making her the biggest young actress.
Her reputation for on-set conflict is reviewed, including reported clashes with co-stars on An Officer and a Gentleman and Terms of Endearment and with the Wonder Woman star.
An alternative career path imagines her aging into Diane Keaton parts as a Nancy Meyers muse; she stepped away from Hollywood in the late 1990s.
She is felt in every second despite appearing in only about four scenes.

What’s Aged the Worst?

Maid of honor casting; the saris; multicultural goodness on display

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:11:57Read transcript

The original maid of honor is called annoying and oddly cast.
One view holds the character is meant to be annoying; the actor, Anisa George, is named, and the director is said to cast for what is in people rather than transformation.
The saris are listed as standing for multiculturalism as a badge of goodness, including the wedding officiant character.

Casting What-Ifs

Paul Thomas Anderson as Sidney

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:13:37Read transcript

Winger’s missed roles are treated as casting what-ifs of their own.
The groom’s role was reportedly first offered to Paul Thomas Anderson, undermining a Sidney Poitier naming theory.
He reportedly declined because he was in post-production on There Will Be Blood.
Casting him would have changed the film in many ways, including losing the wedding song.

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

Mather Zickel

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:15:29Read transcript

The actor playing the best man who sleeps with Hathaway’s character, whose biggest role this was, is chosen; the part could have gone to a bigger star.
He is called very sexy and good as a recovering character.

The Ruffalo / Hanna / Rubinek / Partridge Overacting Award

Bill Irwin

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:16:04Read transcript

Bill Irwin is chosen: loved in the film but his energy is dialed up too high.
Steve Martin as the father is imagined but rejected because the role needs an actor without baggage.
Agreement follows that it is too much.
A counterpoint holds everyone is meant to be too much, with the director imagined as the nightmare wedding planner insisting on celebration.

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

Debra Winger

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:17:40Read transcript

Debra Winger is the obvious choice for her few scenes, with a shout-out to Sebastian Stan’s brief opening turn.

Recasting Couch

Sarah Paulson as the maid of honor

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:17:54Read transcript

Sarah Paulson is proposed as a slightly brainier maid of honor at a good point in her career.
Her Studio 60 role is recalled, prompting a defense of that show’s first eight episodes.

Apex Mountain

Anne Hathaway; Rosemarie DeWitt; Bill Irwin, disputed; 2008 for people named Rachel

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 01:24:48Read transcript

Anne Hathaway is a yes: this was the peak of her career juice, when multiple Oscars seemed likely.
Rosemarie DeWitt is a yes; the director is obviously not.
Wedding movies are not at their apex; Father of the Bride, Four Weddings and a Funeral and My Best Friend’s Wedding are named from the 1990s, with The Godfather’s opening wedding also credited.
Bill Irwin is proposed but immediately challenged.
2008 is called a rough year for people named Rachel, citing this film and the Tiger Woods scandal; Jennifer Aniston’s Rachel and Connecticut weddings are also floated.
During the winner discussion DeWitt is also called this film’s Apex Mountain.

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Years since Ethan’s death; how long Rachel and Sidney stay married; Kym’s marriages

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:26:49Read transcript

How many years passed since Ethan’s death was reserved as an unanswerable question.
Rachel and Sidney are expected to stay together, based on their quiet scene together in the dark room; an alternative is an amicable split after about seven years with co-parenting.
Rachel is also called somewhat self-involved.
Kym is imagined marrying four or five times, if at all.

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:30:03Read transcript

Rejected because the story needs the wedding’s containment, and ten hours with these people is unappealing.

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

Ethan plate; bridesmaid dress piece; living-room wallpaper

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:32:29Read transcript

The Ethan plate would be the collector’s item, though disturbing.
A piece of Hathaway’s bridesmaid dress and the living-room wallpaper are suggested; the mother’s 1970s Connecticut stone decor is noted.

Who Won the Movie?

Anne Hathaway

In the discussion (7)

Approx. transcript time · 01:33:14Read transcript

Hathaway is the first choice; no other nominee seems plausible.
Rosemarie DeWitt is called underappreciated and deserving of a nomination, taken instead by Amy Adams.
Hathaway is credited with successfully trying something different after The Devil Wears Prada.
Wesley Morris’s texted choice is Rosemarie DeWitt; the tally is two Hathaway, one DeWitt.
On returning, he reaffirms DeWitt as his winner. — Wesley Morris
DeWitt is recalled from Mad Men as one of Don Draper’s love interests.
Another host agrees DeWitt should have won the movie.

Podcast choices

Speaker not identified: Anne Hathaway
Speaker not identified: Anne Hathaway
Wesley Morris: Rosemarie DeWitt

More from the conversation

The episode is introduced as the second installment of Fucked Up Family February, following Ordinary People the previous week.

Approx. transcript time · 00:01:40Read transcript

A checklist of ten dysfunctional-family staples is read out; the movie is said to hit seven of them.

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The rewatch is judged still thin: the trauma and family history lack dramatic depth, and Demme's priorities are said to differ from screenwriter Jenny Lumet's.

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The movie is described as excruciating to rewatch, which is presented as its strength and as a hundred-minute argument against having a wedding.

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The performances, casting diversity and music are praised as ahead of their time for 2008, with Anne Hathaway singled out as affecting in a morally ambiguous role.

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Succession is compared as a show at its best during big family functions where everyone is supposed to behave; the film is called perhaps the most dysfunctional wedding movie.

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The party sequence is described as a favorite movie event, compared to a small Altman movie inside a Sturges comedy; graduations, reunions and holidays are added.

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The Connecticut setting and the self-congratulatory multicultural earnestness are criticized, with the saag paneer line cited; Demme is defended as a sincere humanist rather than a satirist.

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The Truth About Charlie is recalled as a late-Demme precursor with a similar multicultural, place-sliding energy.

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About 45 minutes, including the rehearsal dinner and toasts, are described as irresistible when passing by on television.

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Hathaway's performance is framed as key to understanding her career and the later backlash to her perceived extraness around her Oscars hosting.

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All three hosts identify as children of divorce, explaining their anxiety about family events and the appeal of watching others make a worse mess.

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The father's artificially happy energy masks deep pain, such as his meatloaf-sandwich offers and his post-wedding hug with Debra Winger's character.

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Hathaway's pre-2008 career is traced through The Princess Diaries, Havoc, Brokeback Mountain and The Devil Wears Prada.

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Hathaway's filmography continues through Becoming Jane, Get Smart, this film, Passengers and Bride Wars; 2008 is framed as her 'next great actress' peak, with Love and Other Drugs noted as underrated.

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Hathaway is compared with Gwyneth Paltrow: both drew contempt for visibly wanting success, though Hathaway's theater-kid eagerness and lack of a plan B are distinguished.

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Sally Field's 'you like me' acceptance speech is compared with Hathaway's 'it came true' Oscar speech; her Les Miserables win is disparaged.

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Demme's unusual filmography is traced from Roger Corman B movies through Melvin and Howard, Swing Shift, Something Wild, Swimming to Cambodia, Married to the Mob, The Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia, Beloved, The Truth About Charlie and The Manchurian Candidate.

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A mistaken claim that Demme's films won consecutive Best Picture Oscars is corrected: The Silence of the Lambs swept, while Philadelphia won Best Actor for Hanks.

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Demme is praised as a director of all kinds of performers, citing Stop Making Sense, Swimming to Cambodia, Beloved's Kimberly Elise and Thandie Newton, Denzel Washington in Philadelphia, and Rosemarie DeWitt here.

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Ricki and the Flash is added as an omitted later Demme film, noting Meryl Streep's eagerness to sing.

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Stop Making Sense is named a personal favorite Demme film, linked to the earnest energy of the wedding sequence; Married to the Mob was rewatched as extra preparation.

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Stop Making Sense's refusal to cut to the audience is contrasted with this film, which constantly cuts to the wedding guests, including Robyn Hitchcock performing.

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A 2008 Time review by Richard Schickel asking when Demme lost his sense of humor is read and disputed as misreading his shift from human comedy to human tragedy.

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Demme is credited as a major influence on later directors, especially Paul Thomas Anderson, and for a humane, hopeful sense of connection across his work.

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Demme reportedly sought out and lobbied for Hathaway, consistent with his habit of catching stars at strong career moments such as Melanie Griffith and Oprah Winfrey.

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Beloved is described as released during Oprah's imperial period and poorly marketed by Disney.

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Beloved is argued to be nearly unfilmable because its title figure is metaphorical and interior, making a literal embodiment a symbolism problem.

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Demme's humanism extended to nonfiction such as The Agronomist and Man from Plains; his late films privilege people sharing space over plot, and this film's most interesting parts seem least written.

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A living-room moment is cited where the white characters exit and Anna Deavere Smith's character shares a knowing look with Tunde Adebimpe's character, praised as happening exactly once.

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The 2008 Oscars context: Hathaway lost Best Actress to Kate Winslet in The Reader; The Dark Knight's omission and the Best Picture field of Slumdog Millionaire, Benjamin Button, Frost/Nixon, Milk and The Reader are recalled, with Jolie, Melissa Leo and Streep as the other acting nominees.

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Screenwriter Jenny Lumet was a former high-school drama teacher whose fifth screenplay was the first produced; she is confirmed as Sidney Lumet's daughter and Lena Horne's granddaughter.

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A confession: the only film review ever written that felt dishonest was about this movie, having wanted to call it liberal self-satisfaction that gathers people and does nothing with them.

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Anna Deavere Smith's Carol is praised for creating impact without an explanatory scene, while the groom's family is felt to be underserved by the script.

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The trauma revealed is judged darker than the film is prepared to explore, with Ordinary People preferred for swimming in those currents.

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A defense stresses the redemption question after Kym killed her brother while high and the sister dynamic, culminating in Rachel bathing Kym after the car accident as the last important scene before the wedding concert.

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Demme is said to want the family to be okay despite their clear inability to talk; the Debra Winger hug with both daughters is called an amazing shot.

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The handheld, Dogme-influenced style is contrasted with the formalism of Silence of the Lambs and Philadelphia; the film is judged neither raw nor mannered enough.

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The Kym-mother fight is said to be something the movie cannot recover from; it is darker than Demme will let it be, and a trashier director or one interested in sensational acting, such as David O. Russell, is floated.

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Demme is said to care more about healing than the family tragedy, ending on Rachel watching the band once everyone is gone.

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The groom's name, Sidney, is questioned as an under-examined nod to either Sidney Lumet or Sidney Poitier.

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Demme reportedly wanted to work with Hathaway for years and repeatedly cast people such as Melanie Griffith, Michelle Pfeiffer, Thandie Newton and Anthony Hopkins at the right moment.

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A Studio 60 digression defends its first eight episodes and questions Being the Ricardos' third act and likely Oscar nomination.

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The film's earnest communal vibe is likened to Jamaica Plain or Cambridge: sincere and true to life, but false as drama.

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The film lacks any scene between the groom's Black family and Kym, such as the future mother-in-law offering understanding; the family is also judged not repressed enough to behave this way in front of guests.

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Wesley Morris drops off the Zoom call with technical difficulties late in the episode.

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Both remaining hosts say they would happily attend this wedding for the spectacle.

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A Big Picture special on how long movie couples stay married is proposed.

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Closing: production credit, Amanda Dobbins' leave from the show for a while, and next week's Parenthood episode.

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