Kevin James is proposed as nearly stealing scenes whenever he appears with Will Smith. — Van Lathan
The dance lesson is offered as the clearest example because Smith plays straight man while suppressing laughter. — Mina Kimes

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39:46

Roger Ebert's review

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 00:39:46Read transcript

Roger Ebert’s two-and-a-half-star rating is reported. — Bill Simmons
His review calls the movie pleasant and undemanding but questions its necessity and third act. — Bill Simmons
The panel argues the third act does not lag badly and wants him to enjoy the movie more. — Bill Simmons

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40:34

Most Rewatchable Scene

Dance lessons and first date; Albert attacking Hitch; opening principles; bar; jet skis; wedding.

In the discussion (26)

Approx. transcript time · 00:40:34Read transcript

The opening montage of Hitch’s principles is proposed.
The broom metaphor is accepted as fine. — Bill Simmons
The claim that communication is 30 percent tone and 60 percent body language is doubted. — Bill Simmons
The rule that a woman’s best friend must approve is endorsed and debated through personal examples.
The bar conversation and flashback are proposed. — Bill Simmons
Michael Rapaport’s single-scene role and unclear brother-in-law connection are separate observations about the bar sequence.
The Paula Patton bar appearance and her star potential receive extended praise.
Albert quitting in the boardroom while Hitch coaches from behind a door is proposed.
Hitch rescuing Eva Mendes’s character from Chip is proposed as a classic smooth entrance.
The walkie-talkie invitation is proposed. — Van Lathan
The Sunday timing is praised as a calculated way around Friday and Saturday refusal. — Van Lathan
Hitch is said to use the walkie-talkie partly because Sara’s coworkers will hear and react. — Van Lathan
The Hudson River jet-ski portion of the date is proposed. — Mina Kimes
The Ellis Island reveal is proposed for its surprising butcher joke and Hitch’s planning failure.
The early dance montage is proposed. — Bill Simmons
The allergy scene is proposed; later, the food-allergy material is said not to work. — Bill Simmons
Albert’s Knicks date and attempted kiss are proposed. — Bill Simmons
The apartment food fight is proposed. — Van Lathan
The food fight is separately criticized as aggression that would not play the same way now. — Van Lathan
Speed dating is proposed.
A reported post-pandemic speed-dating resurgence undercuts the idea that the activity is purely a 2005 relic.
Will Smith and Eva Mendes are compared to two hot aliens placed among the speed-dating losers. — Mina Kimes
Hitch pleading for Albert on Allegra’s boat is proposed.
The wedding and end-credit dancing are proposed.
Hitch pleading Albert’s case before Albert attacks him is selected as the funniest moment. — Van Lathan
The dance lesson intercut with Albert’s first date is the consensus selection. — Mina Kimes

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1:00:04

The Great Shot Gordo Award for Most Cinematic Shot

Jet skis on the Hudson River.

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:00:04Read transcript

The Hudson River jet-ski sequence is selected for its view of New York. — Bill Simmons

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1:00:31

The most 2005 thing

Stephon Marbury at a Knicks game; a thriving gossip tabloid; Michael Rapaport as the rom-com buddy.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:00:31Read transcript

Stephon Marbury in a Knicks uniform is selected. — Bill Simmons
Michael Rapaport as the rom-com friend is proposed.
Men being coached to pursue women presented as far out of their league is proposed as a mid-2000s dynamic. — Mina Kimes

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1:02:04

Gandolfini Butter on My Ass So It Pops in My Mouth Award

Will Smith being smooth; Vance Munson; a rom-com playing inside the rom-com.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:02:04Read transcript

Will Smith’s smooth moments, especially rescuing Sara from Chip, are selected. — Mina Kimes
Vance Munson is selected as an enjoyably pure villain.
Sara watching Jerry Maguire inside this romantic comedy is selected. — Bill Simmons

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1:03:05

Chest Rockwell / Brock Landers Award for Best Character Name

Vance Munson.

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:03:05Read transcript

Vance Munson is selected. — Mina Kimes

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1:03:25

What’s Aged the Best?

Jeffrey Donovan; Hitch’s respectful advice; teaching people to interact; camera phones.

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 01:03:25Read transcript

Jeffrey Donovan appearing in a romantic comedy is praised.
The walkie-talkie trick is praised even while acknowledged as implausible now. — Bill Simmons
The lie-steal-cheat-drink aphorism is enjoyed as intentional corniness by one side and rejected by another.
Camera phones are praised for becoming vastly more capable. — Van Lathan
A movie about teaching isolated people to interact is judged more relevant now. — Van Lathan
Hitch’s advice is praised for respecting women and countering hostile dating ideology.

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1:10:27

The Slow Ride / Kid Cudi – Pursuit of Happiness Award for Best Needle Drop

Usher’s Yeah!; Amerie’s One Thing; Motown opening songs.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:10:27Read transcript

Usher’s Yeah! is selected.
Amerie’s One Thing is praised as an important soundtrack choice.
The opening Motown songs and John Legend cover are proposed.
Will Smith personally obtaining Usher’s clearance is reported.

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1:12:33

Is There a Better Title for This Movie?

Hitch.

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:12:33Read transcript

The Last First Kiss is reported as the working title and rejected. — Bill Simmons
Hitch is affirmed as the perfect title. — Bill Simmons

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1:12:45

What’s Aged the Worst?

Michael Rapaport as a likable friend; extravagant courtship; assaults; tabloid office; pacing and allergy sequence.

Flex pick · Mina Kimes

In the discussion (10)

Approx. transcript time · 01:12:45Read transcript

Michael Rapaport playing a likable friend is selected by Mina under an explicitly cued flex. — Mina Kimes
The luxurious, unrealistic tabloid office is criticized.
Hitch’s elaborate first-date planning and walkie-talkies are criticized as potentially creepy now.
The response is defended as depending on whether the recipient already likes the man.
The seven o’clock meeting time is judged stranger than the jet skis. — Van Lathan
Women striking men and the food fight are criticized as conduct contemporary movies would avoid. — Van Lathan
Hitch choosing Sara rather than the Paula Patton character is criticized.
The middle of the movie drags when Kevin James is absent. — Bill Simmons
The food-allergy comedy is criticized. — Bill Simmons
The extreme portrayal of Albert as a man who could win Allegra is judged less believable now.

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1:13:59

The Amanda Dobbins Award for Best Piece of Real Estate

The brownstone stoop used for Albert’s attempted kiss.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:13:59Read transcript

The brownstone stoop used in the kiss lesson is selected. — Bill Simmons
The director’s story that Sarah Jessica Parker answered the door and allowed filming is reported. — Bill Simmons
The panel openly doubts that story.

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1:15:14

The Butch’s Girlfriend Award for the Weakest Link in the Film

Will Smith and Eva Mendes’s chemistry; the extended kiss lesson.

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 01:15:14Read transcript

Will Smith and Eva Mendes’s romantic chemistry is criticized as merely adequate. — Van Lathan
Their chemistry is compared unfavorably with Smith and Margot Robbie and with Mendes and Ryan Gosling. — Van Lathan
Will Smith and Kevin James are judged to have the movie’s strongest chemistry.
The extended kissing lesson is criticized as overlong.
The kissing lesson is defended as iconic and not bothersome.
Another view says there are no weak links because the core actors are solid.

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1:18:34

The most 2005 thing

A thriving gossip tabloid and its luxurious office.

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:18:34Read transcript

A thriving tabloid gossip operation is proposed as distinctly 2005. — Mina Kimes

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1:23:01

The Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Hitch is Will Smith’s fourth-best film; it may be his purest star performance; Eva Mendes should have remained in Fas...

Hitch is Will Smith’s fourth-best film; it may be his purest star performance; Eva Mendes should have remained in Fast & Furious.

In the discussion (6)

Approx. transcript time · 01:23:01Read transcript

Hitch is ranked as Will Smith’s fourth-best movie behind Men in Black, Independence Day, and Bad Boys.
Focus is ranked above Hitch by another participant.
Hitch is proposed as Will Smith’s best or most representative pure movie-star performance.
Eva Mendes leaving the Fast & Furious series after 2 Fast 2 Furious is called its biggest mistake. — Bill Simmons
Replacing Michelle Rodriguez with Mendes from the first film is proposed and disputed. — Bill Simmons
Keeping both women in the franchise is offered as the preferred alternative. — Bill Simmons

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1:28:28

Casting What-Ifs

Patton Oswalt as Albert; Alexander Skarsgård’s cut role; Ali Larter as a fictional celebrity.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:28:28Read transcript

Patton Oswalt is reported as the second choice for Albert and rejected by the panel for this role. — Bill Simmons
Alexander Skarsgård’s scenes as Allegra’s boyfriend were reportedly cut, leaving only a photograph. — Bill Simmons
Ali Larter reportedly supplied images for the fictional celebrity. — Bill Simmons

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1:29:37

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

Jeffrey Donovan; Joe Lo Truglio.

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:29:37Read transcript

Jeffrey Donovan is selected. — Bill Simmons
Joe Lo Truglio is proposed for his speed-dating moment. — Bill Simmons

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1:29:37

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

Chip; Vance Munson; Paula Patton.

In the discussion (2)

Approx. transcript time · 01:29:37Read transcript

Chip is selected for the brief bar performance. — Bill Simmons
Vance Munson and Paula Patton are proposed as alternatives. — Mina Kimes

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1:30:04

Recasting Couch

Stanley Tucci as Sara’s boss; Will Ferrell or other comic actors as Albert.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:30:04Read transcript

Stanley Tucci is proposed as Sara’s editor. — Bill Simmons
Will Ferrell is proposed as Albert.
Ferrell is criticized as too tall and already too large a star for the part.
The existing Kevin James casting is defended as the right balance.

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1:32:12

The Big Kahuna Burger Award for Best Use of Food and Drink

Benadryl through a straw; Rice to Riches pudding.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:32:12Read transcript

Hitch drinking Benadryl through a straw is selected. — Bill Simmons
The panel asks how much Benadryl someone could sip before passing out or suffering harm. — Bill Simmons
Rice pudding at Rice to Riches is proposed and the real shop is remembered.

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1:33:32

Half-Assed Internet Research

Ellis Island ancestry; Smith’s inability to swim; Eva Mendes in Miami; soundtrack; proposed Jets stadium.

In the discussion (5)

Approx. transcript time · 01:33:32Read transcript

Will Smith reportedly resisted Ellis Island because Black Americans generally did not enter there; his producing partner’s family record changed his mind. — Bill Simmons
Smith reportedly could not swim and wore a large life vest for the jet-ski work. — Bill Simmons
Eva Mendes appearing in the Miami music video and Smith not remembering her are reported. — Bill Simmons
The soundtrack’s Amerie and Beyoncé comparison is discussed as music lore. — Van Lathan
Albert’s reference to the proposed West Side Jets stadium is retained as period research. — Bill Simmons

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1:38:55

Apex Mountain

Eva Mendes, Kevin James, and Amber Valletta: yes

In the discussion (9)

Approx. transcript time · 01:38:55Read transcript

Will Smith is placed below his late-1990s apex. — Bill Simmons
Eva Mendes is placed at or near her apex.
Kevin James is placed at his breakthrough apex.
Benadryl is debated and rejected. — Van Lathan
Jet skis are rejected in favor of Eastbound & Down and Miami.
Amber Valletta is selected.
Hair waxing is rejected because The 40-Year-Old Virgin did it better the same year.
Ellis Island is rejected. — Bill Simmons
Post-9/11 New York comeback movies are proposed, with Spider-Man as competition.

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1:42:48

Cruise or Hanks?

Tom Cruise as Hitch; Tom Hanks as Albert.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 01:42:48Read transcript

Tom Cruise is selected for Hitch.
Tom Hanks is proposed for Albert and challenged as too handsome or tall. — Van Lathan
Cruise is proposed for a two-day Vance Munson cameo. — Van Lathan

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1:43:43

How Would Van Lathan Get Out of This One?

Own being the date doctor and defend the good it creates.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:43:43Read transcript

Van says he would admit directly that he is the date doctor because the work supports him. — Van Lathan
He would defend the work by pointing to relationships, weddings, and children it helped create. — Van Lathan
He would attack the gossip reporter’s work as intrusive and negative. — Van Lathan
The other speakers object that the defense does not solve the relationship problem and still loses the woman.

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1:44:56

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Whether Hitch continues as the date doctor; how Albert earns money.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:44:56Read transcript

Whether Hitch continues his business after exposure is questioned.
One answer predicts he is broke and his relationship fails.
The counterargument predicts a book advance, television appearances, and a lucrative advice brand. — Bill Simmons
How Albert continues earning money after quitting is questioned.

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1:46:39

Picking Nits

Albert’s coordination; repaired shirt; Sara attending the wedding; the newspaper staff; whipped cream.

In the discussion (12)

Approx. transcript time · 01:46:39Read transcript

Albert being both clumsy and physically coordinated is questioned. — Bill Simmons
Kevin James’s real athleticism is distinguished from Albert’s intended clumsiness. — Bill Simmons
Sara returning Hitch’s badly torn shirt fully repaired is questioned. — Bill Simmons
Drinking Benadryl like a cocktail is questioned. — Bill Simmons
Allegra inviting Sara after the gossip story nearly ruins her relationship is questioned.
Allegra understanding that Hitch did not manufacture Albert’s appeal is offered as a defense.
Eva Mendes’s character complimenting Allegra’s bag is jokingly offered as sufficient reconciliation. — Van Lathan
The gossip editor caring about Sara’s personal life and work-life balance is criticized as implausibly benevolent. — Van Lathan
The large newspaper staff’s unclear jobs are questioned. — Mina Kimes
The newspaper friend’s actual job or beat is questioned. — Mina Kimes
Sara eating whipped cream from a can is criticized as a male-written cliché. — Mina Kimes
A daughter doing it as a teenager is offered as a counterexample before the behavior is reframed as childlike.

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1:50:42

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

Hitch 2 with Will Smith returning from retirement.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:50:42Read transcript

A sequel with Will Smith is endorsed.
Hitch being drawn out of retirement is proposed to address Smith’s age.
The current dating climate is argued to need Hitch’s approach.
Smith’s post-Oscars career and age are discussed as practical complications.

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1:52:20

Is This Movie Better With…?

Ted Levine receiving dating advice from Hitch.

In the discussion (1)

Approx. transcript time · 01:52:20Read transcript

Ted Levine is selected as Hitch’s difficult client. — Bill Simmons

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1:52:58

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Sexual chemistry; sports as a first date; Hitch’s fee and customer acquisition.

In the discussion (7)

Approx. transcript time · 01:52:58Read transcript

Whether Hitch has more sexual tension with Sara or Albert is questioned. — Bill Simmons
Sports as a first date are debated, with baseball favored, basketball context-dependent, and football rejected.
A sports date is defended as better after several prior dates.
Hitch’s 2005 fee is estimated around $1,500 per week after higher guesses. — Bill Simmons
Payment terms and lack of guarantees are questioned. — Bill Simmons
Word of mouth is identified as customer acquisition, then challenged because clients might hide using him. — Bill Simmons
Men referring unlucky friends is defended as plausible. — Bill Simmons

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1:59:46

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

Hitch’s dating diagram; walkie-talkies; scuba suits; remote-controlled apartment equipment.

In the discussion (4)

Approx. transcript time · 01:59:46Read transcript

The scuba suits are proposed. — Bill Simmons
Hitch’s large dating diagram is selected. — Bill Simmons
The walkie-talkies are proposed. — Van Lathan
The remote-controlled apartment system is proposed. — Bill Simmons

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2:00:28

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson

True love does not need gimmicks; live deliberately; value breathtaking moments.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 02:00:28Read transcript

Life is measured by moments that take your breath away is proposed and mocked as corny.
Wake up each day on purpose is proposed. — Bill Simmons
True love does not need gimmicks is selected.

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2:00:55

Best Double Feature

Focus; Six Degrees of Separation; Crazy, Stupid, Love.

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 02:00:55Read transcript

Focus is selected. — Van Lathan
Six Degrees of Separation is proposed for another charming Will Smith performance.
Crazy, Stupid, Love is proposed as the closest thematic pairing. — Mina Kimes

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2:01:35

Who Won the Movie?

Will Smith

In the discussion (3)

Approx. transcript time · 02:01:35Read transcript

Will Smith is repeatedly selected as the winner.
Kevin James is repeatedly identified as a very close second. — Bill Simmons
Smith’s established dominance is contrasted with Hitch serving as James’s breakout.

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