Categories & segments

Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop poster
Kindergarten Cop

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Questions concern a possible Stallone jab, interchangeable supporting actresses and the original teacher’s fate.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:29:30Read transcript
  • Naming the doll-playing child Sylvester is speculated to be a Schwarzenegger/Stallone rivalry jab; Dominic’s name is also queried without an answer.
  • Pamela Reed and Laurie Metcalf are compared as excellent, potentially interchangeable actors, with Internal Affairs cited.
  • The displaced teacher’s job and tenure are questioned; an invented return followed by Kimball replacing her again imagines her leaving teaching.
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop poster
Kindergarten Cop

Probably Unanswerable Questions

A radically sadder ending killing Kimball is imagined, following more jokes about the displaced teacher.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:31:49Read transcript
  • The teacher’s long career and family are invented as part of the joke about Kimball replacing her.
  • Killing Kimball would create a Hardball-style shock, an emotional funeral and a memorial library/statue; Dominic keeping the ferret and an Avengers-style gathering are imagined.
  • The hypothetical escalates to End of the Road as soundtrack, Crisp escaping with Dominic, the partner teaching and an intentionally bleak fate for Dominic’s mother.
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop poster
Kindergarten Cop

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

School merchandise and a complete Crisp outfit are desired.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:33:59Read transcript
  • An Astoria elementary-school hat or shirt is the first preference.
  • A full Crisp Halloween costume with oversized suit, ponytail wig and bad tan is desired for the thrill of someone recognizing it.
  • The imagined look is compared to A Night at the Roxbury with Paul Revere’s ponytail.
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop poster
Kindergarten Cop

Producer review

Craig’s inserted first-watch review is positive overall, despite eye rolls and confusion about Crisp.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:36:10Read transcript
  • An absent Craig is explicitly introduced for a recorded review; he calls it an easy watch that leaves him feeling good despite cheesy-line eye rolls with his wife.
  • He credits1990s earnest obliviousness and Schwarzenegger’s effort, questions Richard Tyson’s identity/mother relationship and motive, and praises the ponytail/hair-and-makeup look.
  • The unelaborated Austria exchange is his favorite line; he concludes the film succeeds as Schwarzenegger entertaining children.
  • The hosts thank Craig, then jokingly claim he hated the film and mentioned runtime, contrary to the inserted review’s positive conclusion.
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