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James Harden

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Catch Me If You Can The Rewatchables
Catch Me If You Can

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson

Check forgery over violent crime (challenged)

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:42:55Read transcript
  • The proposed life lesson favoring check forgery over violent crime is challenged as a mere preference and not victimless; claims about bank insurance are mocked rather than established financial advice.
  • A hypothetical bank-robbery team discussion chooses driving or addressing the customers, while recalling an earlier Heat-related conversation. — Bill Simmons
  • Hypothetical robbery-mask choices include James Harden, Nikola Jokić, Sam Hauser and a smaller Lone Ranger-style mask, with practical objections and colored-contact jokes. — Bill Simmons
Bloodsport The Rewatchables
Bloodsport

What’s Aged the Worst?

The acting; the crawling monkey fighter; the reporter plot; the 'On My Own' moping montage; the chase with Forrest Whitaker; Ray Jackson's lack of MMA skills; young Frank's accent; Ray Jackson harassing the woman on the train

In the discussion (9)
Approx. transcript time · 00:49:08Read transcript
  • The acting was mentioned first; the crawling monkey fighter is problematic now, loved for years before anyone thought twice; his low, hopping style got him to the semis but is like small ball or the James Harden one-on-five: a surprise at first, scouted by the later rounds, unable to work over a seven-game series.
  • The torch-holding islanders in the opening show the film was written by white guys who, asked what they knew about this, said make them a monkey; it is called really bad.
  • The reporter plot has aged worst in parts: going undercover basically as a call girl and sleeping with a subject is very bad, part of a seventies-eighties trope of how to get the female reporter in, as in The A Team; the making-of says they wanted the action movie everyone liked in the eighties with a little romance added, so the writers gave the reporter a thing for Jean-Claude.
  • Two tough minutes after Ray Jackson's injury have Jean-Claude moping around Hong Kong to a song going 'on my own, I can be strong', worse than Frank Stallone, but it leads to the split on a balcony around the fifteenth floor with no ropes or harness, a pretty great shot Scorsese would approve of in a terribly acted and probably directed movie.
  • The lame chase is a fall from grace for Forrest Whitaker, the star linebacker of Fast Times who now cannot run through Hong Kong; his IMDb run from 1985 to 1988 is read out: Vision Quest, The Fall Guy, Diff'rent Strokes, North and South, Amazing Stories, The Color of Money, Platoon, Stakeout, Good Morning Vietnam, Bloodsport and Bird, several Oscar-nominated films with Bloodsport thrown in; he later popped up in Species.
  • Whitaker is respected for securing the bag, or for simply wanting to do things that sound cool, like a sex alien movie after a Vietnam picture; he eventually won an Oscar playing Amin (transcribed 'D.D. Amin') and carries Phone Booth with Colin Farrell; told there was an Oscar winner in this movie, nobody would have picked Jean-Claude or Gibb, and the actress might have been the guess; Whitaker is definitely mailing it in here.
  • Ray Jackson's MMA skills have aged badly since he does no MMA at all, more a Chuck Liddell knock-you-out-or-get-knocked-out fighter; young Frank's accent and acting feel like a head-shot pick with $1,200 left in the budget, and his father has a totally different accent.
  • Final answer: the monkey guy and the reporter; Ray Jackson sexually harassing the woman on the train, trapping her in her seat with his gigantic leg while Jean-Claude looks on amused, is also recalled as very dumb.
  • The acting is named first as what aged worst, before the discussion returns to aged best.
The Fast and the Furious The Rewatchables
The Fast and the Furious

Probably Unanswerable Questions

What happened to Toretto's Market? Did Jesse deserve to die? Was Brian a bad or an atrocious undercover cop? Did the franchise have a deal with Corona? Who joins Letty on the Mount Rushmore of female action heroes? What happened to Leon? What is Mia studying?

In the discussion (11)
Approx. transcript time · 01:06:02Read transcript
  • What happened to Toretto's Market once the crew was stealing hundreds of millions from Brazil by Fast Five? Who makes the roast beef and buys the tuna; maybe Danny Trejo's uncle character works it, maybe Dom let the lease expire, or the government repossessed it along with the house and the cars.
  • Did Jesse deserve to die? One host answers no but holds that racing Johnny Tran at Race Wars and driving away gets you shot; the other points out Jesse did not know whom he was racing until the window came down and could not back out, and that Johnny overreacted, trying to kill four people over a car instead of waiting two hours, which is why he cannot be respected despite his own speech about respect.
  • Was Brian O'Connor a bad undercover cop or an atrocious undercover cop? Bad rather than atrocious, since he at least taught himself to drive at a really high level in the Dodger Stadium lot.
  • Did they have a deal with Corona, a question raised by Craig the producer and already in the notes? No; a Ringer story by Andrew found the beer was all gratis.
  • The Letty Mount Rushmore of female action heroes is thrown to the show's Facebook group: Letty is a lock, then Furiosa from Fury Road, Sigourney Weaver in the second Aliens movie (an action movie if Total Recall counts) and Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, chiseled and doing pull-ups before working out for a movie was cool; an actress may appear only once, so Atomic Blonde is out.
  • Linda Hamilton's character, prepared for years, still panics and falls to the floor when the Terminator shows up at the hospital, likened to the Halloween remake's forty years of preparation ending in 'you're in my house'.
  • What happened to Leon, who was part of the family and just did not make it? Nobody could find out, so a theory is built live: every crew member had a specific job, like a basketball team with Dom as James Harden and Vince, the muscle, as PJ Tucker, while Letty makes every other character better; Leon's only job was the scanner, waiting on the sideline during the races.
  • In the final chase, when Vince is caught up, Leon's is the only car that hangs back listening to the scanner instead of helping, and he goes to get Letty only because Dom's tire is blown; so he was exposed as the most dispensable, dumped from the family, and maybe reassigned to Toretto's Market cutting roast beef and reordering Coronas while the others globetrot and steal billions.
  • Letty is called a true female action hero and an all-timer, probably on the Mount Rushmore, a question saved for later.
  • Teased during what aged worst: did Jesse deserve to die, met with an instant no and a promise to mull it over.
  • At the party after Brian saves Dom, Mia is in her room with a textbook open, clearly studying and maybe taking notes; is she in college, in high school, doing the bookkeeping for Toretto's Market, or studying restaurant management?
Varsity Blues The Rewatchables
Varsity Blues

What’s Aged the Worst?

Tweeter (2 of 3 spoken picks)

In the discussion (9)
Approx. transcript time · 00:24:35Read transcript
  • The team heads to a strip joint, is entertained by their teacher and stays till dawn; high school students in a small town would already know she strips, and they swear to keep her secret while telling the whole team.
  • The strip club is the Landing Strip, also used in Friday Night Lights and the name of a real one in Houston near the airport, which sets up a James Harden and Rockets joke.
  • Tweeter's philosophies on women, and on everything, have not aged well: he climbs out of a car full of naked women and advises Mox that beers, shots and pills are all it takes, and is asked by Mox whether he is ready for prison.
  • Billy Bob's title-winning hook and ladder is not realistic, though Friday Night Lights won its championship with the same play; the clip is cued and narrated, with Tweeter lateraling to Billy Bob, who catches it in slow motion and stares at it with no defender near him, then carries a pile of tacklers across the plane, continuing the tradition of no high school team being able to tackle.
  • Also aging badly is running the hook and ladder from the 17-yard line at 17 to 14 instead of kicking a field goal to force overtime; the explanation is that there was no coach and plays were called by committee.
  • Asked what aged worst, answers Tweeter, since you cringe through everything he says. — Jason Concepcion
  • A case is made that concussion protocol aged worst: even Mox, the civilized one reading Slaughterhouse-Five at practice and bound for Brown, insists the test must be true-or-false questions.
  • Asked whether it is the same thing, confirms it has to be Tweeter, since there are too many things, including a line he sings about breaking a girl's jaw after she broke his heart. — Shea Serrano
  • Tweeter thus takes two of the three spoken picks, with the fourth panelist never stating one; he is 5'4" yet averages fifteen catches a game as the whole offense, and the film's secret is that he is bad, dropping a ball before Lance is hurt and failing to get out of bounds at the end; part of why he is a star is that every player except Wendell is white, which did not age well.
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