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Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

Picking Nits

The undercover mission, partner’s illness and Kimball’s absent family

In the discussion (5)
Approx. transcript time · 01:23:38Read transcript
  • A physical showdown remains preferred; avoiding it because of children would be inconsistent with the bloody shooting alternative. — Bill Simmons
  • The need for two undercover cops in Astoria is questioned when the FBI could instead follow Crisp. — Bill Simmons
  • Waiting48 hours for Phoebe to recover is proposed because Crisp is still incarcerated. — Kyle Brandt
  • The unusually long illness prompts an obviously anachronistic COVID joke, alongside renewed hotel-room and family questions. — Bill Simmons
  • The unexplained lack of contact with Kimball’s son makes him look bad; Crisp harming the family or a visa problem sending them to Austria are proposed as more coherent backstories. — Bill Simmons
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

The Vincent Chase Award: Are We Sure This Character Is Actually Good at Their Job?

Kimball fails at protecting Dominic during the fire and shootout.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:26:17Read transcript
  • He loses Dominic almost immediately, fails to stop Crisp, gets shot by both family members and needs his unarmed partner’s rescue. — Kyle Brandt
  • Their waiting despite knowing Crisp is out and the witness is dead is questioned. — Kyle Brandt
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

A prestige remake would get a trial, with Ritchson and various dramatic actors or athletes proposed.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:27:13Read transcript
  • A prestige remake interests the speakers, with Alan Ritchson as Kimball and Paul Mezcal or Barry Keoghan as Crisp. — Kyle Brandt
  • Travis Kelce is offered as an alternative, prompting a joke about Jason playing Crisp. — Kyle Brandt
  • Marshawn Lynch is accepted as another possibility; Aaron Rodgers as Crisp leads to a joke about his undecided playing future. — Bill Simmons
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Questions concern a possible Stallone jab, interchangeable supporting actresses and the original teacher’s fate.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:29:30Read transcript
  • Naming the doll-playing child Sylvester is speculated to be a Schwarzenegger/Stallone rivalry jab; Dominic’s name is also queried without an answer. — Bill Simmons
  • Pamela Reed and Laurie Metcalf are compared as excellent, potentially interchangeable actors, with Internal Affairs cited. — Bill Simmons
  • The displaced teacher’s job and tenure are questioned; an invented return followed by Kimball replacing her again imagines her leaving teaching. — Kyle Brandt
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

Probably Unanswerable Questions

A radically sadder ending killing Kimball is imagined, following more jokes about the displaced teacher.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:31:49Read transcript
  • The teacher’s long career and family are invented as part of the joke about Kimball replacing her. — Kyle Brandt
  • Killing Kimball would create a Hardball-style shock, an emotional funeral and a memorial library/statue; Dominic keeping the ferret and an Avengers-style gathering are imagined. — Kyle Brandt
  • The hypothetical escalates to End of the Road as soundtrack, Crisp escaping with Dominic, the partner teaching and an intentionally bleak fate for Dominic’s mother. — Bill Simmons
Kindergarten Cop The Rewatchables
Kindergarten Cop

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

School merchandise and a complete Crisp outfit are desired.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:33:59Read transcript
  • An Astoria elementary-school hat or shirt is the first preference. — Bill Simmons
  • A full Crisp Halloween costume with oversized suit, ponytail wig and bad tan is desired for the thrill of someone recognizing it. — Bill Simmons
  • The imagined look is compared to A Night at the Roxbury with Paul Revere’s ponytail. — Bill Simmons
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