Categories & segments

Hitch The Rewatchables
Hitch

Half-Assed Internet Research

Ellis Island ancestry; Smith’s inability to swim; Eva Mendes in Miami; soundtrack; proposed Jets stadium.

In the discussion (5)
Approx. transcript time · 01:33:32Read transcript
  • Will Smith reportedly resisted Ellis Island because Black Americans generally did not enter there; his producing partner’s family record changed his mind. — Bill Simmons
  • Smith reportedly could not swim and wore a large life vest for the jet-ski work. — Bill Simmons
  • Eva Mendes appearing in the Miami music video and Smith not remembering her are reported. — Bill Simmons
  • The soundtrack’s Amerie and Beyoncé comparison is discussed as music lore. — Van Lathan
  • Albert’s reference to the proposed West Side Jets stadium is retained as period research. — Bill Simmons
Hitch The Rewatchables
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Apex Mountain

In the discussion (9)
Approx. transcript time · 01:38:55Read transcript
  • Will Smith is placed below his late-1990s apex. — Bill Simmons
  • Eva Mendes is placed at or near her apex.
  • Kevin James is placed at his breakthrough apex.
  • Benadryl is debated and rejected. — Van Lathan
  • Jet skis are rejected in favor of Eastbound & Down and Miami.
  • Amber Valletta is selected.
  • Hair waxing is rejected because The 40-Year-Old Virgin did it better the same year.
  • Ellis Island is rejected. — Bill Simmons
  • Post-9/11 New York comeback movies are proposed, with Spider-Man as competition.
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How Would Van Lathan Get Out of This One?

Own being the date doctor and defend the good it creates.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:43:43Read transcript
  • Van says he would admit directly that he is the date doctor because the work supports him. — Van Lathan
  • He would defend the work by pointing to relationships, weddings, and children it helped create. — Van Lathan
  • He would attack the gossip reporter’s work as intrusive and negative. — Van Lathan
  • The other speakers object that the defense does not solve the relationship problem and still loses the woman.
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Probably Unanswerable Questions

Whether Hitch continues as the date doctor; how Albert earns money.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:44:56Read transcript
  • Whether Hitch continues his business after exposure is questioned.
  • One answer predicts he is broke and his relationship fails.
  • The counterargument predicts a book advance, television appearances, and a lucrative advice brand. — Bill Simmons
  • How Albert continues earning money after quitting is questioned.
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Picking Nits

Albert’s coordination; repaired shirt; Sara attending the wedding; the newspaper staff; whipped cream.

In the discussion (12)
Approx. transcript time · 01:46:39Read transcript
  • Albert being both clumsy and physically coordinated is questioned. — Bill Simmons
  • Kevin James’s real athleticism is distinguished from Albert’s intended clumsiness. — Bill Simmons
  • Sara returning Hitch’s badly torn shirt fully repaired is questioned. — Bill Simmons
  • Drinking Benadryl like a cocktail is questioned. — Bill Simmons
  • Allegra inviting Sara after the gossip story nearly ruins her relationship is questioned.
  • Allegra understanding that Hitch did not manufacture Albert’s appeal is offered as a defense.
  • Eva Mendes’s character complimenting Allegra’s bag is jokingly offered as sufficient reconciliation. — Van Lathan
  • The gossip editor caring about Sara’s personal life and work-life balance is criticized as implausibly benevolent. — Van Lathan
  • The large newspaper staff’s unclear jobs are questioned. — Mina Kimes
  • The newspaper friend’s actual job or beat is questioned. — Mina Kimes
  • Sara eating whipped cream from a can is criticized as a male-written cliché. — Mina Kimes
  • A daughter doing it as a teenager is offered as a counterexample before the behavior is reframed as childlike.
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Probably Unanswerable Questions

Sexual chemistry; sports as a first date; Hitch’s fee and customer acquisition.

In the discussion (7)
Approx. transcript time · 01:52:58Read transcript
  • Whether Hitch has more sexual tension with Sara or Albert is questioned. — Bill Simmons
  • Sports as a first date are debated, with baseball favored, basketball context-dependent, and football rejected.
  • A sports date is defended as better after several prior dates.
  • Hitch’s 2005 fee is estimated around $1,500 per week after higher guesses. — Bill Simmons
  • Payment terms and lack of guarantees are questioned. — Bill Simmons
  • Word of mouth is identified as customer acquisition, then challenged because clients might hide using him. — Bill Simmons
  • Men referring unlucky friends is defended as plausible. — Bill Simmons
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What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

Hitch’s dating diagram; walkie-talkies; scuba suits; remote-controlled apartment equipment.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:59:46Read transcript
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