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The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

The Butch’s Girlfriend Award for the Weakest Link in the Film

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

Crewe’s failure to explain the warden’s Caretaker-murder threat to the team is the weak link.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 00:57:48Read transcript
  • The panel argues that the prisoners likely would have accepted losing if Crewe explained the threat of a murder frame.
  • If Crewe throws the game, the teammates he betrays could ruin him for the rest of his prison time.
  • Unger’s obvious guilt and Crewe’s bond with Caretaker make the warden’s frame threat seem less credible.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

What’s Aged the Worst?

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

The opening domestic violence, Bernadette Peters styling, repeated warden reaction shot, remake’s eclipse of the original, smelling salts, and football brutality age poorly.

In the discussion (7)
Approx. transcript time · 00:59:05Read transcript
  • The opening domestic violence is called harsh and jarring.
  • Bernadette Peters’s beehive styling is criticized.
  • The same shocked-warden reaction appears to be repeated from multiple angles during the game.
  • The remake is criticized for stealing recognition from a film the panel regards as already complete.
  • Smelling salts for injured players are treated as an outdated response to likely concussions.
  • Old receiver alignments are one of the few football details that visibly differ from the modern game.
  • Brass knuckles and deliberate injury tactics are treated as unacceptable football equipment and strategy.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

The Neil McCauley “A Book about Metals” Award for Best Line from the Movie

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

“You’ve come too far to stop now” leads nominees including the broken-neck line, Crewe’s sense-of-humor line, and the gun-turret reply.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:06:21Read transcript
  • The final huddle’s come-too-far line is the leading quote.
  • The line about a player having broken his neck is another prominent nominee.
  • Crewe saying people keep him around for his sense of humor is offered as a summary of Burt Reynolds’s appeal.
  • Knauer’s answer that fifteen gun turrets explain the warden’s command is nominated.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

The Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

Burt Reynolds is called the greatest car-chase driver; alternate takes read the film as a story about America and speculate that Crewe fathers a child in prison.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:07:15Read transcript
  • Burt Reynolds is argued to be the greatest performer at driving while being chased.
  • Steve McQueen and Ryan Gosling are considered as alternatives.
  • The movie is read as a story about Americans from different backgrounds uniting through football and hatred of authority.
  • A deliberately speculative take imagines that the secretary becomes pregnant after the encounter with Crewe.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

Casting What-Ifs

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

James Hampton’s move from Unger to Caretaker is praised, and modern equivalents are proposed for football stars Joe Kapp, Ray Nitschke, and Sonny Sixkiller.

In the discussion (5)
Approx. transcript time · 01:10:05Read transcript
  • James Hampton was reportedly intended for Unger before pushing to play Caretaker.
  • The observed Joe Cap and Ray Nitchke are identified as real football stars in the cast.
  • Kirk Cousins is proposed as a present-day Joe Cap equivalent.
  • Khalil Mack and Fred Warner are considered as Ray Nitchke equivalents.
  • The observed player is reported as a former University of Washington quarterback who also played in the WFL.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

The performer playing Unger wins over James Hampton, Ed Lauter, and Harry Caesar.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:11:54Read transcript
  • James Hampton is considered a That Guy for most listeners despite his familiar Teen Wolf role.
  • The observed Ed Lauder is considered too identifiable by name by part of the panel.
  • Harry Caesar is proposed because Granville is more memorable than the actor’s name.
  • Unger wins because the panel does not know the actor’s name but would recognize him as Unger.
The Longest Yard poster
The Longest Yard

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

The Longest Yard The Rewatchables

Announcer Michael Fox wins over Bernadette Peters, Shockner, Pop, the warden’s sidekick, and the Citrus State cheerleaders.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:12:59Read transcript
  • Bernadette Peters is nominated for intensifying sharply in her second scene.
  • Shockner, Pop, the warden’s sidekick, and the cheerleaders are alternate short-role candidates.
  • Michael Fox wins because his announcer commentary is both memorable and self-written.
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