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Kindergarten Cop poster

Kindergarten Cop

year 1990decade 90sdirector Ivan Reitmangenre Action comedy

111 minutes

Cast

Selected cast credits · Film reference

Arnold Schwarzenegger LAPD Detective John Kimble
Penelope Ann Miller Joyce Palmieri / Rachel Myatt Crisp
Pamela Reed LAPD Detective Phoebe O'Hara
Linda Hunt Miss Ingrid Schlowski
Richard Tyson Cullen Crisp
Carroll Baker Eleanor Crisp
Cathy Moriarty Jillian, Sylvester's Mother
Richard Portnow Captain Salazar
Angela Bassett Stewardess

Kindergarten Cop | The Rewatchables

host Bill Simmonshost Kyle Brandt
Explore episodeClose episode

Producer credits not yet identified.

Apex Mountain

Schwarzenegger’s 1990 action/comedy run is called his apex, with agreement.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 00:19:28Read transcript
  • Arnold is explicitly called at his apex, followed by agreement.
  • Total Recall and Kindergarten Cop in the same year, followed by Terminator 2, are offered as evidence of his range and prominence; his Bush White House role is also mentioned.
  • His relationship with Maria Shriver is added to the discussion of this peak period.

Most Rewatchable Scene

The first classroom day and tumor exchange lead the scene choices; travel, action, nap, confrontation and finale scenes are also discussed.

In the discussion (13)
Approx. transcript time · 00:29:19Read transcript
  • The plane-to-driving vomit montage is offered; the drug-den shotgun scene with beard and sunglasses is also enjoyed and compared to Terminator’s club attack.
  • The beard is thought to look fake and badly colored, though a real beard or dye is considered; its absurd appearance is still enjoyed.
  • The travel sequence earns praise for the broken-pencil threat, Angela Bassett’s brief flight-attendant appearance and Schwarzenegger’s confused response to his partner’s vomiting.
  • The first classroom day is remembered for the anatomy line, ocean warning, chaos, shouted orders and resort to the ferret.
  • The father/job questions and tumor exchange let the children become distinct personalities; more material like the overalls/bathroom gag is desired.
  • Reducing Crisp’s screen time to add a children’s play or rehearsal is proposed; Schwarzenegger’s repeated “come on” delivery is enjoyed.
  • The milk-and-nap scene and nightmare doze-off are liked for their tenderness and comic effect.
  • The scene where he nearly attacks his partner’s fiance leads to criticism of the unexplained post-sex pasta and overused eating jokes.
  • The child-abuser confrontation and approving principal are celebrated as forceful entertainment while recognized as unlikely to survive modern studio notes.
  • The principal’s praise of him as a teacher is described as unexpectedly moving.
  • The climax is enjoyed despite mocking Crisp’s plan to start a library fire, grab a child amid the chaos and go upstairs without an escape.
  • Final choices favor the tumor exchange and opening classroom speech/first day.
  • The unnamed ferret is questioned because children would immediately give it a name.

Apex Mountain

Ferrets receive an emphatic early Apex suggestion, with The Big Lebowski raised as a comparison.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 00:31:42Read transcript
  • The ferret prompts an Apex Mountain question answered strongly yes; their brief pet popularity is recalled unfavorably.
  • The Big Lebowski’s marmot is raised as a competing animal reference; a separate celebrity rodent reference remains confused rather than established.

The most "year the movie came out" thing

Teachers punching a parent, with the principal approving, is called an especially1990 stretch.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 00:34:42Read transcript
  • The confrontation with the child abuser and principal’s approval are identified as the most1990 stretch.
  • The speakers imagine contemporary studio objections to the child-abuse plot and visible bruises.

The most "year the movie came out" thing

Crisp smoking past Brookstone at the mall overtakes milk as the most1990 choice.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 00:38:48Read transcript
  • Whole-milk cartons and milk advertising initially look like the winning1990 detail.
  • Crisp’s silk clothing, ponytail and cigarette in a mall beside Brookstone are nominated, with memories of trying gadgets and massage chairs.
  • The mall choice is accepted over milk, the ferret and period cars; the red car is identified as a Geo Tracker.

What’s Aged the Best?

Astoria, the poster and ponytailed villains stand out; the cameo, beard and child-abuse discussion also receive attention.

In the discussion (6)
Approx. transcript time · 00:42:25Read transcript
  • Astoria is praised as an idyllic-looking place to raise children and compared with the appeal of Notre Dame in Rudy and its appearance in The Goonies.
  • Jason Reitman’s kissing-child cameo and Schwarzenegger’s beard are listed.
  • The abuse plot triggers a sarcastic contrast with present-day intolerance and memories of issue-driven sitcom episodes teaching children about danger.
  • The strong poster and surname-only star billing are praised; Project Hail Mary’s Gosling billing and uncluttered Sports Illustrated covers are comparisons.
  • Ponytailed villains are celebrated: Crisp, Ben Kingsley in Sneakers, Julian Sands in Warlock, Sam Jackson in Jackie Brown and Terry Silver in Karate Kid3/Cobra Kai.
  • A ponytail’s ability to change someone’s perceived personality leads to a roommate anecdote.

The Butch’s Girlfriend Award for the Weakest Link in the Film

Crisp’s mother-son relationship and the partner’s eating/vomiting material are the weak-link choices.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 00:52:27Read transcript
  • The mother-son relationship is mocked as implausibly sexual/Oedipal; alternative relationship explanations are deliberately outrageous speculation.
  • Pamela Reid’s ability is acknowledged while her character’s repeated eating and vomiting are named as an unwelcome excess.

What’s Aged the Worst?

Rectal thermometers lead the Aged Worst discussion alongside violence, old classroom practices and uncomfortable gags.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 00:54:08Read transcript
  • The pharmacy’s rectal thermometer prompts disagreement about whether it was a common childhood experience or intended to signal the mother’s sadism.
  • School arson/shooting, father/job questions, the ferret and the2016 Kindergarten Cop2 are listed; the sequel trailer is disliked and the thermometer is called the winner.
  • Kindergarten children climbing a high gym rope over a thin mat are criticized as dangerous and outdated.
  • The skirt-looking joke and mother’s reaction are criticized; the partners sharing one hotel room is questioned as a contrivance for the fiance/pasta scene.

The Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

One hot take provocatively defends Crisp; the other would sacrifice the movie to prevent inferior copies.

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 01:02:58Read transcript
  • Crisp is provocatively defended as a father seeking his son, reframing Kimball and the mother negatively despite Crisp’s violence.
  • Over the Top and Commando are comparisons for a father trying to recover a child; Kimball’s separation from his own son is contrasted with Crisp’s persistence.
  • The response calls the take great and really impressive.
  • The second take would erase Kindergarten Cop to avoid dozens of bad imitators, using an exaggerated Oppenheimer analogy and citing The Tooth Fairy.

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

Thomas Rosales Jr wins; Stephen Park receives an enthusiastic mention.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:09:55Read transcript
  • The actor from Heat’s armored-truck sequence and L.A. Confidential is chosen and explicitly named Thomas Rosales Jr.
  • Stephen Park’s brief serious appearance over the dead girlfriend is celebrated through recognition of his Fargo character.

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

The overalls girl and anatomy-line child are the Heat Check candidates.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:10:51Read transcript
  • The overalls/bathroom girl is favored for unpredictable energy and her later exchanges with Schwarzenegger; unscripted behavior is speculation.
  • The penis/vagina kid is the alternative; he is said to have played Gage in the film transcribed Pet Cemetery, with the actor name unstated.

Apex Mountain

Yes for Schwarzenegger, action/kids hybrids, Astoria, comic tumor references and Brookstone; Tyson and Reitman get other-film alternatives.

In the discussion (6)
Approx. transcript time · 01:16:44Read transcript
  • The earlier Schwarzenegger apex choice is reaffirmed.
  • Two Moon Junction is preferred for Richard Tyson; Penelope Miller’s apex is left uncertain.
  • Miller’s work with Pacino, De Niro and Brando is praised and IMDb’s four highlighted films are listed; hybrid action/kids movies get a yes.
  • Ghostbusters is preferred for Reitman, Astoria gets yes, undercover-cop movies no, and tumors yes specifically in a comic catchphrase sense.
  • Brookstone is added enthusiastically, though the store in When Harry Met Sally is uncertain between Brookstone and Sharper Image.
  • Expensive gadgets, grip toys, headphones and novelty office objects prompt nostalgic store memories.

Cruise or Hanks?

Cruise is preferred; Hanks with children and Cruise as Crisp are also considered.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:19:35Read transcript
  • Cruise is chosen despite seeing how Hanks could work with the children; Jerry Maguire desperation and awkward romance are imagined.
  • Cruise losing control on the first classroom day is a particular attraction.
  • Cruise as Crisp in Frank T.J. Mackie mode is another appealing possibility.

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

A prestige remake would get a trial, with Ritchson and various dramatic actors or athletes proposed.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:27:13Read transcript
  • A prestige remake interests the speakers, with Alan Ritchson as Kimball and Paul Mezcal or Barry Keoghan as Crisp.
  • Travis Kelce is offered as an alternative, prompting a joke about Jason playing Crisp.
  • Marshawn Lynch is accepted as another possibility; Aaron Rodgers as Crisp leads to a joke about his undecided playing future.

Is This Movie Better With…?

Gus Johnson calling the final showdown is the imagined addition.

In the discussion (1)
Approx. transcript time · 01:28:24Read transcript
  • A deliberately invented announcer’s table and Gus Johnson play-by-play are performed over the ferret/shootout climax.

Just One Oscar

The score is floated, while beard-and-ponytail hair/makeup receives the stronger response.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:29:11Read transcript
  • The score is tentatively suggested.
  • Hair and makeup for Kimball’s beard and Crisp’s ponytail are nominated and praised.

What Piece of Memorabilia Would You Want From This Movie?

School merchandise and a complete Crisp outfit are desired.

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:33:59Read transcript
  • An Astoria elementary-school hat or shirt is the first preference.
  • A full Crisp Halloween costume with oversized suit, ponytail wig and bad tan is desired for the thrill of someone recognizing it.
  • The imagined look is compared to A Night at the Roxbury with Paul Revere’s ponytail.

The Coach Finstock Award for Best Life Lesson

Teachers matter; married people’s freedom to dress casually is the other lesson.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:35:26Read transcript
  • Kindergarten teachers can make a major difference in children’s lives.
  • The line about married people dressing like slobs is embraced, with athleisure and COVID-era comfort as comparisons.