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Cobra poster

Cobra

year 1986decade 80sdirector George P. Cosmatosgenre Actiongenre Thrillergenre Crime

87 minutes

Cast

Selected cast credits · Film reference

Sylvester Stallone Lt. Marion "Cobra" Cobretti
Brigitte Nielsen Ingrid Knudsen
Reni Santoni Sgt. Tony Gonzales
Andrew Robinson Detective Monte
Brian Thompson Night Slasher
Lee Garlington Officer Nancy Stalk
Art LaFleur Captain Sears
Marco Rodriguez Supermarket Killer
Val Avery Chief Halliwell

Cobra | The Rewatchables

host Bill Simmonshost Kyle Brandtproducer Craig Horlbeck
Explore episodeClose episode

Half-Assed Internet Research

Beverly Hills Cop origins; Stallone's conduct on set; Fair Game source novel; X-rating threat; final-scene location; Stallone's 1950 Mercury; Herman Schneider knife; Drive toothpick homage; stalled TV series; body count

In the discussion (12)
Approx. transcript time · 00:07:08Read transcript
  • Stallone's rewrite of the Beverly Hills Cop script was too expensive, explosive and humorless, so Eddie Murphy was brought in; Stallone kept the renegade-cop idea and made it into Cobra.
  • Cinematographer Rick Waite answered Stallone's complaint about delays by blaming Stallone fooling around with Brigitte Nielsen and showing off for his bodyguards; Stallone cleaned up for about two weeks.
  • Director George P. Cosmodos is described as a figurehead with Stallone effectively directing, and supporting cast and extras were reportedly forbidden to talk to Stallone on set.
  • Brian Thompson, who plays the Night Slasher, repeatedly asked Stallone about the character's backstory and was finally told the guy's just evil.
  • Stallone's mumbling required subtitles; he ran amok for about two months with nobody stopping him, and Thompson, a trained theater actor, was left with no motivation for the role.
  • The source material was the novel Fair Game by Paula Gosling, which was changed a lot, later made into a movie with Cindy Crawford and William Baldwin, and tied to Beverly Hills Cop's origins.
  • The movie almost got an X rating for violence, not sex.
  • The final scene was shot at the Pacific Coast Club in Long Beach; the car was a 1950 Mercury owned by Stallone, with three replicas built for the chase scenes.
  • Knife designer Herman Schneider made the Night Slasher's knife at Stallone's request; with finger holes and spikes like brass knuckles, it is called one of the best weapons in any core action movie and something drawn on school folders.
  • Drive's director was a huge fan, and the main character's toothpick was a Cobra homage.
  • A TV-series remake was mentioned with 2019 (transcribed 'Stallone animated in 2019'), but nothing had happened after two and a half years.
  • The body count is 52, with 41 killed by Marion Cobretti.

Most Rewatchable Scene

Supermarket shootout

In the discussion (16)
Approx. transcript time · 00:25:29Read transcript
  • The supermarket scene is floated as a pick: a genuinely scary gunman, slow motion reportedly used to avoid an X rating, and Cobra arriving with his match toothpick, unafraid.
  • He navigates the aisles in huge heeled boots, and his mumbled lines ("go ahead, I don't shop here", the disease and the cure) needed subtitles; it ends with a knife throw and a cowboy finish and is called a really good action scene.
  • Product placement runs through the shootout: Pepsi Free and Coors Light logos, a warm Coors Banquet slurped, and a Toys R Us commercial; product placement is floated for Apex Mountain.
  • Crew can be seen in his sunglasses; outside, everyone is furious at him, and a TV reporter asks about brute force until he lifts the body blanket, a First Blood callback.
  • A Heat aside imagines a reporter asking Vincent Hanna whether Seismore really needed to die.
  • At his beachfront apartment he moves guys parked in the wrong spot, rips off his tank top to reveal a taped microphone shown three times, and cuts frozen pizza with scissors into Dorito-sized pieces, taking the toothpick out to eat; nobody said no.
  • Serial-killer cult scenes: Brigitte drives past a murder and is followed; the Night Slasher's stocking mask is terrifying compared with Michael Myers or Jason.
  • The hospital attack works: the van rams the elevator, and the empty hospital with cloth partitions is borrowed from Halloween II and Silent Rage.
  • The downtown LA car chase with the 1950-something car is 'dollar store Ronan' with continuity jumps, and the chaser and chased switch midway; still it works.
  • The diner scene is terribly written: Brigitte drowns her fries in ketchup and he asks if she has a life preserver.
  • Asked whether the giant cheeseburger was scripted or found on set, the answer is 100% ad lib. — Bill Simmons
  • In the final shootout nobody suspects the evil female cop who calls the Night Slasher from six feet away; it ends in a fire-and-meat-hook factory, the standard action finale of the era, like Schwarzenegger fighting Bennett amid steam and fire, and Terminator 2.
  • The Night Slasher has no backstory, only 'I want your eyes, pig' and a we-are-the-future manifesto; the finale has 'this is where the law stops and I start', a meat-hook death and the match lit for a gasoline-soaked killer.
  • Asked for the most rewatchable scene, the answer is the grocery store scene: nightmarish yet funny.
  • Another pick is the first 15 minutes: the supermarket, the aftermath and the scissors pizza.
  • Made to choose between the apartment pizza scene and the grocery scene, the grocery scene is the best scene. — Bill Simmons

What’s Aged the Best?

Opening crime-statistics monologue; the poster; the Night Slasher; match toothpick; Awesome 50 license plate; the name Marion Cobretti; Zombie Squad; the New Order; product placement; shooting range scene

In the discussion (8)
Approx. transcript time · 00:41:18Read transcript
  • The opening monologue lists burglary, robbery, violent crime, murder and rape statistics: grim, dystopian, Death Wish on steroids.
  • The poster ('crime is the disease, meet the cure') is one of the better movie posters of the last 40 years.
  • The Night Slasher was physically imposing and scary; perhaps Brian Thompson's bad experience with Stallone kept more from becoming of him.
  • Also listed: the match toothpick, the car's awesome 50 license plate, and the 'attitude problem' exchange that seems written for the trailer.
  • Marion Cobretti is a bad-ass name meant to be his Balboa, with jokes about Scorpetti and LSU's Cobretti as a draft-bound kicker.
  • The Zombie Squad is a great name with zero backstory; the New Order just gathers to clang axes like P90X, and the mole cop and knife-hand cut explain nothing.
  • The product placement roll call (Pepsi, a beer display, Toys R Us, Coca-Cola, a high-life sign) is just great, recalling Marty McFly ordering a Pepsi Free in Hill Valley.
  • Shooting range scenes are always awesome, as in Lethal Weapon and Narc.

What’s Aged the Worst?

TV reporter questioning Cobretti's tactics; Brigitte Nielsen's wig; the robot fashion / Skid Row montage set to Robert Tepper's Angel of the City; the Dirty Harry villain actor as a punched foil

In the discussion (7)
Approx. transcript time · 00:46:39Read transcript
  • The TV reporter questioning Cobretti's tactics after the supermarket mass murder is repeated as aged worst.
  • Brigitte Nielsen's wig makes her look like Robert Plant, perhaps to differentiate her from Drago's wife.
  • The robot fashion montage, cut against Stallone on Skid Row, is laughably out of date; the robots are Stallone's heat check after Pauley's robot.
  • Robert Tepper's Angel of the City montage is a drop-off after No Easy Way Out from Rocky IV, though the song is liked now.
  • Casting the Dirty Harry villain as Stallone's cop foil and having Stallone punch him is called cruel, an overt shot at Dirty Harry that did the actor dirty.
  • Feel the Heat by Jean Bevoir plays over the second montage; it is then liked and moved to aged best, 'Apex Mountain from music'.
  • An original ending would have revealed a satanic tattoo marking the Dirty Harry actor's character as the real leader of the New Order; the host who read about it was bummed out, while the other, 'going the other way', says it would have been a great ending, and wishes there had been more spitballing for a better version.

Casting What-Ifs

None found

In the discussion (1)
Approx. transcript time · 00:52:51Read transcript
  • No casting what-ifs: there is not enough research and no evidence of casting decisions other than the ones seen.

The Joey Pants “That Guy” Award

In the discussion (4)
Approx. transcript time · 00:52:58Read transcript
  • Rennie Santone is considered for his roles in Bad Boys and as Poppy on Seinfeld, but is judged not quite a that guy.
  • The Dirty Harry villain, Andrew Robinson, is raised as another candidate.
  • The winner is Cobretti's boss, played by Art LaFleur, the first baseman in Field of Dreams with a big recognizable face; the other has the same pick.
  • A claim that he is the father of Packers coach Matt LaFleur is followed by 'Made that up.'

Most Likely to Shoot Yourself / Worst Use of a Weapon Award (name unresolved)

Marion Cobretti

The panel proposes a new category here.

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 00:56:58Read transcript
  • A new category is suggested for the most likely to shoot yourself, also called worst use of a weapon (transcribed 'Plexgo Burris' / 'Plexiboros').
  • It goes to Marion Cobretti for carrying his gun with no holster down the crotch of his high-waisted jeans; the idea is welcomed.

The Dion Waiters Award for Best Heat Check Performance

Marco Rodriguez as the supermarket killer

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 00:57:24Read transcript
  • Marco Rodriguez, looked up on Amazon, is the supermarket killer and has few other credits.
  • The case for the Night Slasher rests on the 90-second knife-sharpening scene and the finger cut, thought to be an ad lib to make the character interesting.
  • With one scene only, the supermarket killer gets it; he later played a lieutenant in The Crow and appeared on Walker, Texas Ranger.

Recasting Couch

In the discussion (6)
Approx. transcript time · 00:59:39Read transcript
  • Answer A is that the movie is perfect and should not be touched; Answer B asks whether someone better than Brigitte could have played the part.
  • Marky Post, recently deceased and underrated, from Night Court and The Fall Guy, is offered for Brigitte's role, though the proposer is unsure she would have made it scarier.
  • As a joke, Bull from Night Court could be the Night Slasher.
  • A serious recast gets the band back together: Dolf Lundgren as the Night Slasher, bigger and scarier, with Bert Young as the partner.
  • The reply is that Dolph would overshadow the role, which needs a new face.
  • Carl Weathers as the sidekick in the Reni Santoni role and Adrian in Brigitte's role, killed by the Night Slasher, would both have been enjoyed.

Apex Mountain

Stocking-mask serial-killer gimmick; serial-killer cults; San Remos; knives; motorcyclists getting shot or grenaded; 1950 Mercury Monterey

In the discussion (12)
Approx. transcript time · 01:04:50Read transcript
  • Sly's Apex was already Rocky IV; for Brigitte, Rocky IV is suggested, while an alternative pick is Flavor of Love, when she was a huge reality star for a couple of years.
  • The stocking-mask serial-killer gimmick is definitely at Apex Mountain.
  • Hospital horror scenes are not; that is Halloween II.
  • Serial-killer cults are yes, since this is the only one.
  • Awkward shoehorned advertising is probably not; Back to the Future or The Wizard, a 90-minute Nintendo commercial, holds it.
  • John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band is probably no, Eddie and the Cruisers instead.
  • San Remos is yes, since nothing else seems to have happened there; knives are yes.
  • Sly screaming for a doctor is still Rocky IV.
  • Motorcyclists getting shot, and definitely motorcycles getting grenaded, belong at Apex, though the bikes look like they go eight miles an hour.
  • Creepy serial-killer vans stay with Buffalo Bill in Sounds the Lams, as transcribed.
  • The 1950s Mercury Monterey has to be Apex Mountain.
  • For 80s movie violence Rambo II remains the answer, with Commando and Total Recall more violent; the grocery gunman shoots a lot of carts.

Picking Nits

Brigitte Nielsen as a fashion model; a safe house the whole department knows about; a Ghostbusters 'magic word' line

In the discussion (3)
Approx. transcript time · 01:08:04Read transcript
  • Brigitte Nielsen as a fashion model is a stretch despite the height.
  • Cobretti takes Brigitte to a safe house despite knowing there is a mole, and much of the department knows where it is; safe houses are always leaked (John Connor, Eraser, Miami Vice), a point also held for unanswerable questions.
  • The 'what's the magic word? please' banter is a line-for-line lift from Ghostbusters two years earlier.

Sequel, Prequel, Limited Series, or All-Black Remake

Series about Cobretti's son, played straight

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:09:05Read transcript
  • The initial answer was no, but a show about Cobretti's son, Marian the second, hamstrung by modern police restrictions, would be welcome; any more Cobra is welcome.
  • The son, Bruno Cobretti, should be played dead serious rather than by Andy Sandberg; Tom Hardy or Shalamay could win the Emmy.

Probably Unanswerable Questions

How does the axe-clanging cult recruit; did Cobra invent the nitrous boost; did it invent Hero Ball; did it foreshadow evil LA cops; has any star been shot at more by bad aim; does the Night Slasher have the best horror-villain gimmick

In the discussion (7)
Approx. transcript time · 01:10:22Read transcript
  • How do you join or grow the axe-clanging serial-killer cult? Two axes and a mean look, like the Fight Club entry requirements.
  • Did the movie invent the nitrous boost later taken by Fast and Furious and video games? The speedometer taps out at 130; one thinks it invented it.
  • Did it invent Hero Ball? He still needs his partner to hit a couple of shots.
  • Did it foreshadow the era of evil Los Angeles cops, with a high-ranking cop masterminding a serial-killer cult? It planted the flag early.
  • Has any star been shot at more by bad aim than Sly? Arnold is the rival, but Arnold gets wounded while Stallone is never grazed, making Sly the pound-for-pound champ.
  • Does the Night Slasher have the best horror-villain gimmick? He checks most boxes; the only hole is lacking Buffalo Bill's pathology, but his late monologue is disturbing and he has one-punch power alongside Myers, Jason and James Gum.
  • Brian Thompson wanted more but Sly would not give him the time of day; Thompson appeared in The Terminator's early scene with Paxton and should have been bigger.

Who Won the Movie?

In the discussion (2)
Approx. transcript time · 01:17:00Read transcript
  • Sly Stallone won the movie.
  • A curveball reframes it as what won the movie: the knife, the indelible image a kid would talk about leaving the theater; the reply is 'I love that thing.'
Podcast choices
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Sylvester Stallone

More from the conversation

Trailer cold open: Rocky, Rambo, and now Cobra.
Approx. transcript time · 00:02:34Read transcript
Cobra came out in 1986 as an action-horror movie and is now called one of the funniest movies of the 80s, about excess and narcissism at the tail end of the Dirty Harry era.
Approx. transcript time · 00:02:53Read transcript
The Amazon description of a cop protecting a witness from a cult of serial killers prompts a joke that serial killers usually act alone.
Approx. transcript time · 00:03:15Read transcript
The most ridiculous thing 35 years later is the group in a drained swimming pool banging axes together; a match stays in the mouth all show in solidarity.
Approx. transcript time · 00:03:55Read transcript
Some listeners will object to Cobra over Citizen Kane, but it is Stallone's funniest movie and both the nadir and apex of 80s action after earlier episodes on Lethal Weapon, Terminator, Commando and Predator.
Approx. transcript time · 00:04:39Read transcript
The 80s were the decade of excess, greed and cocaine with no self-awareness; Stallone was on a run from Rocky III through Rambo II and Rocky IV and seen as a money machine.
Approx. transcript time · 00:05:16Read transcript
A weirdly important Stallone movie: he cast his real-life girlfriend Brigitte Nielsen, meant it as his cop franchise after the boxer and the soldier, and nobody on set told him no.
Approx. transcript time · 00:06:20Read transcript
The Dirty Harry lineage runs through Eastwood's sequels and Bronson's Death Wish (dated and racist but capturing New York lawlessness) into early-80s rule-breaking vigilante cops.
Approx. transcript time · 00:11:17Read transcript
Marion Cobretti is the genesis of 35 years of rule-breaking-cop parody, mixing Bronson vigilantism with a Sonny Crockett look: expensive car, his own gun, blow-dried hair, sunglasses, match toothpick.
Approx. transcript time · 00:12:28Read transcript
There are Western vibes: the grocery store standoff like the OK Corral with a gun spin and the safe-house siege like Young Guns.
Approx. transcript time · 00:13:50Read transcript
Carolla used to love this movie; the pick came from a list of about 30 suggestions where Cobra was number 27 and was accepted in seconds.
Approx. transcript time · 00:14:34Read transcript
The movie was hard to find, possibly because the supermarket shooting is too sensitive after real mass shootings; it was rented on Amazon.
Approx. transcript time · 00:15:07Read transcript
The rough cut ran well over two hours; fearing Top Gun, the studio cut it under 90 minutes for more screenings, explaining why the movie feels incoherent with 30-40 minutes missing.
Approx. transcript time · 00:15:26Read transcript
On SNL, Norm MacDonald mocks Stallone's movies ('Did you see Cobra?') and Stallone replies that the movie had a lot of problems in the edit.
Approx. transcript time · 00:16:42Read transcript
Director's cuts by aging stars, like Stallone's longer Rocky IV, are compared to taking grandpa's car keys and to George Lucas altering Star Wars; no extra Cobra is needed.
Approx. transcript time · 00:17:43Read transcript
In high school the anticipation for Cobra started months before release; it was probably Stallone's last moment of that audience equity while he battled Arnold and borrowed forced jokes from Arnold movies.
Approx. transcript time · 00:18:59Read transcript
Coming off Rocky IV he lands Drago's wife, whom he was with in real life; at 88 minutes with 40-plus kills it was a happy theater trip.
Approx. transcript time · 00:20:46Read transcript
A rare Rewatchable with no fat: 3% body fat, maybe too little.
Approx. transcript time · 00:21:51Read transcript
Budget $25 million, gross $160 million, yet a mild disappointment for Stallone.
Approx. transcript time · 00:22:06Read transcript
A huge hit now seen as a cult movie; it drew a negative reception as too violent and lost to Top Gun, followed by Over the Top, the greatest arm-wrestling divorce movie and a longtime fantasy team name.
Approx. transcript time · 00:23:00Read transcript
In a research aside during the finale walkthrough, Cobra was supposed to be filmed in Seattle, climaxing with a motorcycle chase on a ferry, but Stallone did not want to film at night because of mosquitoes and cancelled it; the ferry chase sounds amazing but nobody knows how it would have worked.
Approx. transcript time · 00:39:03Read transcript
Brigitte Nielsen's American accent breaks twice; asked whether she is Swedish or Norwegian, Craig says Danish.
Approx. transcript time · 00:55:26Read transcript
Could the mole cop have been attractive to a mid-80s teenager? She and Poppy surely hooked up in the bunker; she was serial-killer-cult hot.
Approx. transcript time · 00:58:44Read transcript
Dressing as Marion Cobretti for the Good Morning Football Halloween episode would require P. Shreg's as the Night Slasher and K as Brigitte; Latimer from The Program is likelier.
Approx. transcript time · 01:17:22Read transcript